giving up...is hard to do...

over the weekend, a friend told your author that he was "giving up" on black women. 

you've heard the reasons why--too many issues, too much pain.

the most interesting part of the conversation was when he referenced a conversation with a white woman.  apparently, she assumed he already only dated white women because, in her view, it would be difficult for him to find a black woman who shared his interests, tastes in music, aesthetic, etc.  

which got the wheels turning.  where do all the "different" black women go to find love?

in the hierarchy of difference, men of all races are hailed as trailblazers and mavericks when they flout convention and do their own thing. brothas can certainly be chastised for doing things outside of "real man" parameters or for not being "black enough", but that probably won't deplete their dating pool, only shift the demographic.

right underneath men on the dare-to-be-different scale are white women.  yes, there are the effects of sexism and the pressure of embodying (or not) the epitome of beauty in a culture founded on the notion of white supremacy.  white women are indeed asked to fit into many boxes.

but, because of their whiteness, they are also allowed to break free from--or are not as heavily penalized for ignoring--those boxes in a way that colored women have to seriously think about.  again, being seen as different, weird, or a glowstick carrier does not impact a white woman's dating choices.  just shifts the demographic.

and then we have the quirky black ladies: uniquely minded black women who, typically, do not have asian and white men knocking down their doors, nor do we go looking for them. 

all too often, open minded sistas can become exhibits, fascinations; lofty empresses solely responsible for the evolution (or failure) of their kingmen.  in other words, this is the realm where having locs and enjoying bacon is not allowed.

does the goddess-loving black woman have a fully present, reflective partner who shares her interests and dreams?  does the long-loc'ed empress have a mate who doesn't hide his affections behind some palatable, pretty form of patriarchy?  are there men she doesn't need to minister to, but who can fall in step and meet her where she is?

...and if she does, has he already "given up" on finding her?

does any of it even matter?