cheating. with yourself.

came across this lovely nugget of an article yesterday.  we'll wait while you go read.

...finished? well, allow me to retort.

WHAT??

Just imagining him there in his office on his own, it seemed like the ultimate act of desperation, something you'd only do if you didn't have a partner.

this? still? in 2010?

it's a safe bet that any adult in a long term relationship has had the "is porn cheating?" conversation. but a larger question is: why is fantasy that stays fantasy such a factor?

all things being equal, actual sex-with-someone-else infidelity can be a problem. from the physical ramifications {unplanned pregnancy, disease} to the emotional {loss of trust, stress}, the other partner can be seriously hurt by their mate's choices. not to mention that the process of getting physically--or even emotionally--involved with an outside partner while involved in a perceived-to-be monogamous relationship takes time and effort.

finding internet porn takes almost no effort at all. flashing back to a sexy memory doesn't take much, either.  and neither will give you herpes. 

so you relieve some stress, go home {or to sleep} happy, and everyone's...fine. kind of.

so when did monogamy come to mean colonization of the mind?  and why is masturbation still being coined an "act of desperation" instead of a teaching tool, self pleasure monitor, and/or shared sensual activity? 

oh, right.

well, at least there's a happy ending {pun intended}:

Colin assured Mia that his preference was to be with her and that masturbation was just an act of release when she wasn't around. "Then I showed her that this was something we could do together," Colin says.

Their sex life has improved, and the added benefit is that Mia no longer has to worry about why he's staying late at work. {emphasis added - this is often the difference between a fetish/attachment to porn and a bit of fun}

yay, mia!

here at the shack, one of our mantras is, "know your limits".  if porn is gross, that's ok.  if you consider it cheating, that's ok, too.

our hope, though, is that you will deeply examine how and why you have those attitudes.  question them.  hold them up to the light.  then determine whether or not they're worth holding on to.