{inspired by India’s exhortations on & exultation of breast leadership....}
for a long time, my breasts frustrated me.
they seemed long, flattened, and strange compared to others i’d seen. for a black woman--even a light-skinned one--my areolas are practically non-existent. at rest, their color is nearly uniform. aroused, they end in smallish, light brown sugar knobs.
some time in late adolescence, i was flipping through an old issue of national geographic or watching something about africa and happened to see a whole village of women with breasts that favored mine. darker skin, but the shape matched: long dew-drops with disproportionately small nipples. after that, i started thinking of my breasts as a mark of some lost ancestry.
many years later, i read a story about how Obatala fell in love with Yemonja practically on sight--but she forced him to wait to see her nude, making him promise not to laugh at her long breasts. it reminded me of how i used to wait for my lovers’ laughter, considering what cuter, less womanly wonders they'd palmed.
Obatala broke his promise, but my lovers never acknowledged my unspoken one.
they lingered over my petite nipples, marveling at their responsiveness, sometimes choosing favorites.
if i straddled them, the girls fell into their mouths like warm, ripe fruit. they readily filled or overflowed grasping hands. made gracious pillows and headrests. they are often reached for in plain view by boyfriends, clothes and bras be damned.
eventually i even learned to appreciate the watery, tender fullness that could show up just before my cycle. i figured out how to gauge and control their movement when i decided not to wear a bra, and allow them their freedom when possible.
despite my mother’s concern that they would sag or droop due to my early lingerie choices and natural weight, they never have. what had always deflated or misshapen them were my insecurities and inattention.
today, they are massaged daily with shea butter, coconut oil, or some blend of the two. my cleavage is my favorite place to anoint with perfume.
they’re more beautiful than they’ve ever been... because i love them just as they are.
