38 DD

{inspired by India’s exhortations on & exultation of breast leadership....}

for a long time, my breasts frustrated me. 

they seemed long, flattened, and strange compared to others i’d seen. for a black woman--even a light-skinned one--my areolas are practically non-existent. at rest, their color is nearly uniform. aroused, they end in smallish, light brown sugar knobs.     

some time in late adolescence, i was flipping through an old issue of national geographic or watching something about africa and happened to see a whole village of women with breasts that favored mine. darker skin, but the shape matched: long dew-drops with disproportionately small nipples. after that, i started thinking of my breasts as a mark of some lost ancestry. 

many years later, i read a story about how Obatala fell in love with Yemonja practically on sight--but she forced him to wait to see her nude, making him promise not to laugh at her long breasts. it reminded me of how i used to wait for my lovers’ laughter, considering what cuter, less womanly wonders they'd palmed. 

Obatala broke his promise, but  my lovers never acknowledged my unspoken one. 

they lingered over my petite nipples, marveling at their responsiveness, sometimes choosing favorites. 

if i straddled them, the girls fell into their mouths like warm, ripe fruit. they readily filled or overflowed grasping hands. made gracious pillows and headrests. they are often reached for in plain view by boyfriends, clothes and bras be damned. 

eventually i even learned to appreciate the watery, tender fullness that could show up just before my cycle. i figured out how to gauge and control their movement when i decided not to wear a bra, and allow them their freedom when possible. 

despite my mother’s concern that they would sag or droop due to my early lingerie choices and natural weight, they never have. what had always deflated or misshapen them were my insecurities and inattention. 

today, they are massaged daily with shea butter, coconut oil, or some blend of the two. my cleavage is my favorite place to anoint with perfume. 

they’re more beautiful than they’ve ever been... because i love them just as they are. 

the word

today's word comes from an installment of the daily love, a source of inspiration and motivation a sistafriend recently hipped me to. we thought this was worth posting in its entirety.

I don't know about you, but there are many times when I tend to put other people ahead of myself.

In the past I've done this to my own detriment and then I've been angry when there is not love, attention, energy or money left for me. Then, after I'm angry, I started to blame the other person for doing something "to me".

This way of thinking comes from an older and out-dated version of myself. Today, I make sure that my needs are met. I make sure I am putting my health, my wealth and my best interests first so that I can have a proper foundation. It's only after having a proper foundation and reserve of love, money and health that I can begin to give these things away to others.

Paradoxically, however, part of filling myself up with love is being of service to others. Everything I do and create is done so because I believe in inspiration. I believe that everyone should live their own version of an inspired life and not be held hostage by their fears. I believe that love conquers hate and that every person in their heart of hearts wants to love and be loved. So I created my own expression to relate what I believe to the world.

And the world gave back. In this giving back, I am filled up with even more to give away.

So, at the same time, what I've found is that I must give to myself, so I have more to give away. And the best way to give to myself is to be of service and value to other people.

This is the true nature of loving yourself. Knowing that your needs must be met and, at the same time, knowing that being of service is one of the fastest ways to fill yourself up. There is no 100% correct black and white answer. Every person must find the balance of healthy selfishness with healthy service. Once this balance is found an EXTRAORDINARY life will follow.

How can you show up more for yourself today?
How can you show up more for others?
[emphasis added]

be good friends, beloveds. be blissful lovers.  but don't forget to be good to yourselves.

peace & blessings!

the word

today's word is an inspiring, challenging question from the super hussy herself, aiesha turman--director of the black girl project and all around fly mama. it reads:

The minute you stop caring what other people think; the minute you stop trying to control outcomes; the minute you decide to adhere to your core beliefs; the minute that other folks' constructs have no bearing on your life; the minute you realize that you are the prize...is the minute that you are free. Are you free?

beloveds, are you free?

quickie!

camara has this lovely blog called sistah goddess where she chronicled a 40 day period of personal renewal at the dawn of 2010.  here's her beginning, and here's the summary of her journey.

a quick skim revealed beautiful pictures and some delicious revelations, so we figured we'd share the joy!

::~:: love, bliss, & inspiration ::~::

the word

today's word comes from poetess extraordinaire, nikki giovanni:

the butterfly

those things
which you so laughingly call 
hands are in fact two 
brown butterflies fluttering 
across the pleasure 
they give 
my body 

[21 feb 71]

cheating. with yourself.

came across this lovely nugget of an article yesterday.  we'll wait while you go read.

...finished? well, allow me to retort.

WHAT??

Just imagining him there in his office on his own, it seemed like the ultimate act of desperation, something you'd only do if you didn't have a partner.

this? still? in 2010?

it's a safe bet that any adult in a long term relationship has had the "is porn cheating?" conversation. but a larger question is: why is fantasy that stays fantasy such a factor?

all things being equal, actual sex-with-someone-else infidelity can be a problem. from the physical ramifications {unplanned pregnancy, disease} to the emotional {loss of trust, stress}, the other partner can be seriously hurt by their mate's choices. not to mention that the process of getting physically--or even emotionally--involved with an outside partner while involved in a perceived-to-be monogamous relationship takes time and effort.

finding internet porn takes almost no effort at all. flashing back to a sexy memory doesn't take much, either.  and neither will give you herpes. 

so you relieve some stress, go home {or to sleep} happy, and everyone's...fine. kind of.

so when did monogamy come to mean colonization of the mind?  and why is masturbation still being coined an "act of desperation" instead of a teaching tool, self pleasure monitor, and/or shared sensual activity? 

oh, right.

well, at least there's a happy ending {pun intended}:

Colin assured Mia that his preference was to be with her and that masturbation was just an act of release when she wasn't around. "Then I showed her that this was something we could do together," Colin says.

Their sex life has improved, and the added benefit is that Mia no longer has to worry about why he's staying late at work. {emphasis added - this is often the difference between a fetish/attachment to porn and a bit of fun}

yay, mia!

here at the shack, one of our mantras is, "know your limits".  if porn is gross, that's ok.  if you consider it cheating, that's ok, too.

our hope, though, is that you will deeply examine how and why you have those attitudes.  question them.  hold them up to the light.  then determine whether or not they're worth holding on to.

what would sheela na gig do?

{if you're not familiar with sheela na gig, here ya go. in addition, the link directly below features a prominent shot of jewelry depicting anatomically correct labia.  click consciously.}

at first glance, this is comical.

on the other hand, it's yet another example of how nearly any statement of female beauty beyond "lips, hips and tits" can be made light of, or even backhandedly insulted. 

particularly intriguing were the comments by women who seemed all too ready to throw their own vulvas under the bus, but that's probably a whole other entry.

consider this passage:

Ladies..baby girls.. precious dolls. Please understand that what the Vagina IS, what it SYMBOLIZES, and what it DOES, is what’s truly beautiful! It is factually amazing from both an engineering, psychological and physiological stance! Women, your inner working are absolutely awe inspiring and never let a mufugga tell you otherwise...

And yes I know, Boo-Boo, many of you are going to step up and say some shyt like: “My man isn’t complaining so fugg you, you fat, milk-dud head, Mr. PoPo looking ass bitch!” Dammit girl, only thing your man is thinking of his how it feels when HIS OWN ugly ass genitals are up in yours. Be honest with yourself, baby, do you really think your man is going to be like:”Hey baby… your pussy looks like a roadside bomb.” NO… he isn’t. This is the same fool who lovingly lies to your ass when you ask him if you look fat in that new skirt, and ladies..if you’ve got to ASK, then yes you DO look fat in that new skirt. Shiiit, your man aint trying to lose pussy privileges even if it does look like your ovaries set off a low-grade nuke in your shyt.

If your vagina DOES look like one of these shyts here, STOP lying to yourself, baby-doll. Your shyt is not pretty, and it should NEVER be made into a piece of Jewelry. [emphasis added]

so...other than the fact that you did just tell us otherwise, you're saying you can respect a woman's inner workings as long as you don't have to deal with the outside ones? in that case, how are you pleasuring us--nay, do you really even know us--if you're unwilling to truly see our most intimate areas?

i would ask everyone calling genitals "ugly" to consider this question: what are the consequences of an aesthetic that does not recognize the inherent beauty of the parts which join to create us, bring us into the world, and through which we express love and affection?*
 

in the wake of the violent gang rape of a 15 year old richmond, california girl, these attitudes speak to so much more than bumping uglies {pun intended}.

during a lively twitter discussion, honey_shun rightly noted, "[these attitudes are] a thread in the fiber of the clothes worn by those who can stand by and watch the torment, rape and torture of a young girl..." a torment that has not just scarred her life, but the lives of at least four other youth as well.

obviously, we are not suggesting a direct connection between a fundamentally humorous blog entry and the richmond high school insanity, but it must be noted that he didn't choose to rant about the necklaces' horrible workmanship.

when women are not held up as beautiful and worthy, they can be knocked down as ugly and worthless--as the sum of their parts or for their parts.

when we can determine that the physical manifestation of the gateway to life is something that "should never be made into a piece of jewelry" {even as personal charm for the wearer, under her clothes; even if it is only worn during bleeding time; even if it is to rest on a personal, sacred space.  these options were never even considered or discussed...} we have lost sight of something precious and important.   

yonis are as varied and unique as the multitude of women who carry them.  every woman has a right to find herself beautiful and not have her uniqueness challenged by an immature lover. 

seems that anyone as old as slaus and 'nem ought to know better.    


*in whatever configuration, gender expression/sexuality notwithstanding.  although the reference to the biological process of conception obviously suggests hetero activity.

international no-diet day

love yourself.
be yourself.

celebrate no diet day!