38 DD

{inspired by India’s exhortations on & exultation of breast leadership....}

for a long time, my breasts frustrated me. 

they seemed long, flattened, and strange compared to others i’d seen. for a black woman--even a light-skinned one--my areolas are practically non-existent. at rest, their color is nearly uniform. aroused, they end in smallish, light brown sugar knobs.     

some time in late adolescence, i was flipping through an old issue of national geographic or watching something about africa and happened to see a whole village of women with breasts that favored mine. darker skin, but the shape matched: long dew-drops with disproportionately small nipples. after that, i started thinking of my breasts as a mark of some lost ancestry. 

many years later, i read a story about how Obatala fell in love with Yemonja practically on sight--but she forced him to wait to see her nude, making him promise not to laugh at her long breasts. it reminded me of how i used to wait for my lovers’ laughter, considering what cuter, less womanly wonders they'd palmed. 

Obatala broke his promise, but  my lovers never acknowledged my unspoken one. 

they lingered over my petite nipples, marveling at their responsiveness, sometimes choosing favorites. 

if i straddled them, the girls fell into their mouths like warm, ripe fruit. they readily filled or overflowed grasping hands. made gracious pillows and headrests. they are often reached for in plain view by boyfriends, clothes and bras be damned. 

eventually i even learned to appreciate the watery, tender fullness that could show up just before my cycle. i figured out how to gauge and control their movement when i decided not to wear a bra, and allow them their freedom when possible. 

despite my mother’s concern that they would sag or droop due to my early lingerie choices and natural weight, they never have. what had always deflated or misshapen them were my insecurities and inattention. 

today, they are massaged daily with shea butter, coconut oil, or some blend of the two. my cleavage is my favorite place to anoint with perfume. 

they’re more beautiful than they’ve ever been... because i love them just as they are. 

the pleasure in our "pain"

check it.

taking care of business

recently, a three year old article linking oral sex to throat cancer resurfaced and got twitter all aflutter. 

without repeating some of the ridiculousness that emerged in our timelines, here's a summary of what's known:

there are about 100 different strains of HPV, and exposure is common. out of those 100 strains, about 30 can be sexually transmitted, but not all of these lead to what we commonly think of as herpes or cancerous cells.

one way to reduce risk of transmission during vaginal oral sex is to use a dental dam. about.com has some basic instructions on how to make one. for fellatio, condoms are helpful, but not as effective as they are for preventing some other STIs, as the epigee article points out.*

so, enjoy your dessert...but do so responsibly.

take care, beloveds!


*as always, we remind you that we aren't doctors/nurses/etc...just sharing information as we find it.  check in with a trusted health care provider/professional as needed for the best, most current information.

SHEism: the woman worship way

about a month ago, the illustrious christa bell shared the 40 day orgasm challenge.

we've cut/pasted the document below for those of you who don't have access to facebook. enjoy!

Ecstasy, insight, healing: 40 Days & 40 Nights is a six-week meditative journey into the heart of pussy and the transformative power of your orgasm.

If the conditions for a revolution do not exist, then it is the job of the revolutionary to create them.
-Unknown

Women, erotically empowered, are dangerous.
-Audre Lorde, The Uses of The Erotic: The Erotic as Power


Forty Days & Forty Nights, the initiation into SHEism: The Woman Worship Way, is an exercise, for women, in extreme pleasure and it requires a commitment to having at least one orgasm, every day, for 40 days.

WEEK ONE

An essential component of SHEism, is the cultivation of a tangible, body-centered point of self-reference. We employ the orgasm as this reference point, and after a time of ecstatic daily practice, begin to use it as the barometer against which we measure everything else in our lives. This internal point of self-induced ecstasy is used to determine the level of pure joy and bliss in any relationship, situation or experience. SHEism teaches that the closer a thing feels to your orgasm, the more right for you it is. Your orgasm becomes your joyometer, and as, with attention and cultivation, your orgasm expands and strengthens, so too, will your ability to wield your joy as a tool of practical earthly enlightenment.


How To Use Your Joyometer
The power of your joyometer is rooted in your bodily senses. Your joyometer is a phenomenon of the physical and feeling present. The ideologies of detachment from and transcendence of the physical body run absolutely counter to the use of this internal tool.
In order to become fluent in the use of your joyometer, you must also become fluent in the language of feelings, both physical and emotional. Your commitment to daily, meditative orgasms will help you to orient yourself, in your body, by the light of your ecstasy. You must then remain on the alert to identify both the physical and emotional feeling, or group of feelings, that constitute the opposite of your orgasm. This will make it easy for you to develop a scale of internal reference. My own internal scale lists an emotional range that flows from tragic to magic, with tragic being the antithesis of the rapturous state, and magic representing a complete alignment with my internal experience of bliss.

An example of how to use your joyometer is to ask yourself questions like: How does my relationship compare to my orgasm? How in tune with my orgasm is my job? How does this thing I want to purchase rate on my personal orgasmic scale? By asking questions like this, you will gradually begin to fine-tune your sense of what makes you truly happy. You will be less likely to succumb to outside influences regarding the choices you make for your life. It will be harder for anyone to sell you anything that doesn't sit well with your internal sense of ecstasy.

“Problematic” Orgasms
What if your orgasm doesn't fit into the “pure-bliss and fireworks” category? What if your orgasm is accompanied by feelings of guilt, disgust or shame? What if you are only able to orgasm to the tune of rape or incest fantasies? What if visions of being brutalized, spied on, beaten or betrayed are what turn you one? If any of these scenarios are the case for you, then here, within these pages, is right where you should be.

These emotionally, politically and spiritually complex ways of orgasim, are all common experiences that have, for a variety of reasons, embedded themselves into our understanding and experience of ecstasy. Your responsibility on this journey, is to simply BE with whatever occurs for you during your encounters with your orgasm, even when the feelings and sensations that come up feel shameful, uncomfortable or downright degrading.

For example, if you typically orgasm to the fantasy of being seduced by your father, allow yourself to be conscious of all the feelings that come up around this scenario. Stay away from orgasm-by-rote or, the unconscious and mechanical habit of detached orgasm.
Instead, connect with the excitement, pain, confusion or shame that may be a part of this experience. Connecting and feeling your feelings, even one’s you may judge, is an essential part of being.

What Being Also Looks Like
Being is the act of focusing and holding your attention in every part of your body at once and, in this state, recognizing and feeling your natural connection to your essential Self, the earth, and her inhabitants. It is complete physical and emotional presence and union, and it takes practice. Whole body being takes a persistent and conscious commitment to addressing the fragmentation that is the natural state of women in patriarchal culture. In “Pure Lust: Elemental Feminist Philosophy,” feminist theologian and philosopher Mary Daly described this state of fragmentation:

Within the virulent state of phallocracy, women have been attacked and divided against our Selves. From the earliest times of the patriarchy, countless mothers have been broken, and the resulting broken daughters have carried on the chain of fragmentation. No longer have the broken daughters been able to listen unhindered to the “mysterious” telic centering principle within and become fully Self-actualizing women. Instead, they have been reduced to responding to the fettered/fathered urge to reproduce their altered-that is, patriarchally identified-selves in an endless circle of Self-destruction…

She goes on to say:

Yet the sources of wholeness are within women… (though) overcoming…the programmed separation of all living creatures from the telic centering principle of being, will involve facing the horror of (patriarchy’s) workings and effects.

Being Begins With Breath
For once we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and from our life-pursuits that they fall in accordance with the joy which we know ourselves to be capable of. Our erotic knowledge empowers us, becomes a lens through which we scrutinize all aspects of our existence…
-Audre Lorde, The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power

One of several techniques we will use on this journey of healing the fragmentation of the feminine self, is cultivating the ability to still the mind so that we might listen to and honor the experience of the body. Most of us spend our days using our bodies, to walk, eat, read, exercise, gossip, pray, work and have sex, without ever actually checking in to listen to her wisdom or see if there’s anything special that she needs. The female body houses the greatest untapped resource of wisdom, information and intuition, but we generally keep ourselves too busy to listen to her until we have some kind of a breakdown.

In the exercise that follow, you will be given instructions for how to harness the full power of your body and her intelligence in the service of your ecstasy, healing and evolution.

As you move through the work of 40 Days & 40 nights, please keep in mind the first principle of SHEism: The Woman Worship Way, which is: everything and every way you are is holy and all the ways you come are part of your sacred earthly journey.

40 Days & 40 nights is a vehicle to examine, heighten awareness of and transform your relationship to your coochie, your orgasm and your most powerful and creative self.

If you’d like to come on this journey (pun intended) you will need a hand mirror, a blank notebook, something to write and draw with, a vibrator and whatever else you need in order to have an orgasm (a quiet room, massage oils, music etc.) You will also need to think of the time you spend coaxing delicious orgasms from your body as a meditation. To that end, it's a good idea to set a consistent time that is long enough and private enough for you to relax into your bliss.

This week:
1. Give yourself an orgasm every day for the next seven days. This is an exercise that you will do alone. Prioritize and be persistent with this goal, commit to having your daily orgasm by any means necessary. Rearrange your schedule, cancel an appointment, pick the kids up late, hire a babysitter, rent a hotel room, take an extra long lunch break, lock the door to your bathroom. Do whatever you need to do, to fit in your daily orgasm.

2. Meditate on your breath for 10 minutes first thing in the morning, and right before you go to bed. The best way to do this exercise is to sit upright in a comfortable chair, with the soles of your feet on the floor, your back straight and supported, and your hands resting loosely on your thighs. If it is more comfortable for you to sit on the floor cross-legged, this is ok too. Close your eyes and bring all of your attention to your nose and the breath flowing in and out of your nostrils. As you settle into this exercise, be aware of when your mind begins to be agitated, starts daydreaming or generally starts to squirm as you focus on your breath. Gently and persistently bring your mind back to your breath every time your attention wanders. Sit for ten minutes.

3. Essentialized Orgasm: Write the autobiography of your orgasm in 24 words, no more and no less. Try to include everything that has ever happened to your orgasm, from her conception to the present.

4. When you have completed writing the autobiography of your orgasm in 24 words, below it, write the autobiography of your orgasm in 12 words. Feel free to use some or all of the same words from your 24-word autobiography, but you may also use completely different words. Perhaps there is something you forgot to say your first time around, or there’s a point that needs more attention. Go ahead and use these next 12 words to either repeat, expand or bring clarity to your orgasm’s life!

5. Beneath the 12 words, now write the autobiography of your orgasm in six words. Same instructions as above.
6. Beneath the six words, write the autobiography of your orgasm in three words.

7. Beneath the three-word autobiography, please tell the entire life story of your orgasm in one word! All the joy, all the sorrow, the ups and the downs. If you had to tell her whole story in only one word, what would that word be?

8. Now, go back to the top of the page and write, as your title, “In The Beginning: _________.” Fill in the blank with your one-word autobiography. Congratulations! You’ve just written your first SHEist scripture!

9. Read your scripture aloud to one, supportive witness who is kind and whom you trust. Try not to give too much explanation around the exercise. Notice the feelings that come up for you as you share this intimate experience.

10. Every day this week, with the help of your hand mirror, draw a picture of your coochie. Use this time to bring awareness to how you feel about your coochie from moment to moment. Notice when your attention drifts or when you become bored. Notice the feelings of discovery, revulsion or delight you may experience.

If you’ve never had an orgasm, or don’t know how to generate one on your own, read on, the next post is for you!

Copyright Christa Bell 2010

our injured insults

have you ever noticed that some of our most stinging insults revolve around our genitalia?

cunt
prick
pussy
dick

we can do better than that, can't we? why do we insist on maligning the very parts that bring us so much pleasure, not to mention bring us into the world?  they should be the last aspects of our bodies that we relegate to such a lowly status.

in particular, the notion of a "pussy" being a weak, floundering and easily manipulated individual flies in the face of all the wonderful things the yoni actually does--from menstruation to birth and everything inbetween.  but we digress.

we can hear some of you thinking, "well, what about rising above our lower/animal nature?" and all that.

well, that can be a valid point.  we're not suggesting that you be led by your desires in a singular, detrimental way.  however, sexual energy can be diffused throughout the body to heal, enliven and strengthen*.  the willful separation of these energies from our higher, more ethereal ones is what has caused the most confusion, not desire itself.

so, the next time you need to insult someone--which should be rare, but if it's well deserved, have at it!--think about the words you're using. 

if they have to do with something you were just enjoying a few hours or days earlier, think twice.

your djed deserves better, and so does the gateway to life.


*do your homework re: semen retention. although the benefits have long been revered in several cultures, it's also physically beneficial to let go.

twinkle, twinkle

so remember when we mentioned the linger mint? well, now there's vajazzling!

{yes, you read that right. as in bedazzling.}

for a hilariously critical take on this whole debacle, check out the washington post's sexist beatdown.

to be clear, we support adornment of all kinds. but we have to agree with amanda and sady when they say if this is what it takes for your partner to fearlessly look your honeypot in the face, there might be a problem...

quickie!

now we can add the linger mint to the list of things that are wrong with your vagina!

you know, besides the fact that you have one of those icky things in the first place.

and, here comes a collective sigh in 3...2...1...

when sex becomes offensive

{note: slight trigger warning. no graphic content, but discussion of sex offense laws & news articles follow}

well. here's a complex issue for ya...

i think we can all agree on the need to protect folks from pedophiles and rapists. but the lack of nuance in some sex offender laws is in need of examination.

for instance, should ALL statutory rape cases be covered, or only those that are actually non-consensual and/or involve a pattern of behavior? cases like this one are popping up all over the country.

"sexting" is another problematic area. by no means are we condoning bullying or saying it's ok for teens to harm each other sexually, but facing the possibility of being labeled a lifelong "sex offender" over the 21st century version of a slambook is, at the very least, extreme.

so, what's the answer?

do we add this to the long list of reasons comprehensive sex education is sorely needed? 

are we, as usual, using a sledgehammer to hang a portrait? asking the wrong questions? 

if we dealt fully and well with the issue of childhood sexual abuse and abusive behavior in general, how many pedophiles/rapists could we avoid creating? 

switch it up

let's chat a bit about the infamous switch, shall we?

...hold on, now.  for those of you about to run out of the post screaming, we're not gettin' into grandma goin out to the backyard or any s&m type stuff.*

we're talking about movement.



how many of you grew up being admonished for switchin', sashayin', puttin' your hands on your imagination, et cetera?

for those who took that advice to heart, how many of you have experienced lower back, knee, or hip pain as adults?

what some of our mamas and grandmamas didn't know is that the muscles that rotate your hips also influence the alignment of the muscles in the rest of your leg. furthermore, tight hamstrings can pull on your pelvic muscles, causing lower back issues.  any good massage therapist knows that if a client comes in complaining about lower back issues, it's a good idea to check out their legs and hips first.

still wanna stop switchin'?

traditionally, african women have wide hips and large backsides.  when we walk, we sway.  our indigenous dances incorporate all kinds of hip, glute, and core muscle isolations.

put another way: we naturally shake our asses.





when we don't allow fluidity in our movement, we lock up our energy, we lock up our unique beauty, and we lock up our spirits. consider the persistence of cervical and breast cancers, heart disease, fibroids, and chronic pain in our communities, and what parts of the body these dis-eases are targeting.

so, as you consider your own healing journey, don't forget to put that wiggle back in your step. your knees, back, and spirit will thank you.**





*not that there's anything wrong with s&m.  we're kink-friendly.  but you'll have to work out the grandma issues on your own.  unfortunately, she and her strong whuppin hand are beyond the scope of this blog...

**and if your mama bought you a hula hoop instead of fussing, more power.

world aids day

today marks the 21st world aids day.  for more information, visit:

world aids day {UK}
UNAIDS
world aids campaign

stay safe, loves.

what would sheela na gig do?

{if you're not familiar with sheela na gig, here ya go. in addition, the link directly below features a prominent shot of jewelry depicting anatomically correct labia.  click consciously.}

at first glance, this is comical.

on the other hand, it's yet another example of how nearly any statement of female beauty beyond "lips, hips and tits" can be made light of, or even backhandedly insulted. 

particularly intriguing were the comments by women who seemed all too ready to throw their own vulvas under the bus, but that's probably a whole other entry.

consider this passage:

Ladies..baby girls.. precious dolls. Please understand that what the Vagina IS, what it SYMBOLIZES, and what it DOES, is what’s truly beautiful! It is factually amazing from both an engineering, psychological and physiological stance! Women, your inner working are absolutely awe inspiring and never let a mufugga tell you otherwise...

And yes I know, Boo-Boo, many of you are going to step up and say some shyt like: “My man isn’t complaining so fugg you, you fat, milk-dud head, Mr. PoPo looking ass bitch!” Dammit girl, only thing your man is thinking of his how it feels when HIS OWN ugly ass genitals are up in yours. Be honest with yourself, baby, do you really think your man is going to be like:”Hey baby… your pussy looks like a roadside bomb.” NO… he isn’t. This is the same fool who lovingly lies to your ass when you ask him if you look fat in that new skirt, and ladies..if you’ve got to ASK, then yes you DO look fat in that new skirt. Shiiit, your man aint trying to lose pussy privileges even if it does look like your ovaries set off a low-grade nuke in your shyt.

If your vagina DOES look like one of these shyts here, STOP lying to yourself, baby-doll. Your shyt is not pretty, and it should NEVER be made into a piece of Jewelry. [emphasis added]

so...other than the fact that you did just tell us otherwise, you're saying you can respect a woman's inner workings as long as you don't have to deal with the outside ones? in that case, how are you pleasuring us--nay, do you really even know us--if you're unwilling to truly see our most intimate areas?

i would ask everyone calling genitals "ugly" to consider this question: what are the consequences of an aesthetic that does not recognize the inherent beauty of the parts which join to create us, bring us into the world, and through which we express love and affection?*
 

in the wake of the violent gang rape of a 15 year old richmond, california girl, these attitudes speak to so much more than bumping uglies {pun intended}.

during a lively twitter discussion, honey_shun rightly noted, "[these attitudes are] a thread in the fiber of the clothes worn by those who can stand by and watch the torment, rape and torture of a young girl..." a torment that has not just scarred her life, but the lives of at least four other youth as well.

obviously, we are not suggesting a direct connection between a fundamentally humorous blog entry and the richmond high school insanity, but it must be noted that he didn't choose to rant about the necklaces' horrible workmanship.

when women are not held up as beautiful and worthy, they can be knocked down as ugly and worthless--as the sum of their parts or for their parts.

when we can determine that the physical manifestation of the gateway to life is something that "should never be made into a piece of jewelry" {even as personal charm for the wearer, under her clothes; even if it is only worn during bleeding time; even if it is to rest on a personal, sacred space.  these options were never even considered or discussed...} we have lost sight of something precious and important.   

yonis are as varied and unique as the multitude of women who carry them.  every woman has a right to find herself beautiful and not have her uniqueness challenged by an immature lover. 

seems that anyone as old as slaus and 'nem ought to know better.    


*in whatever configuration, gender expression/sexuality notwithstanding.  although the reference to the biological process of conception obviously suggests hetero activity.

quickie!

my monthly cycles is the newest addition to our goodies section, and a good way to help you celebrate, love and honor your cycle.

the site helps you track your moon {menstrual} and fertility cycles electronically. you can set up email reminders with a subject heading of your choosing, and calendars can be customized to include moon phases.

happy tracking!

the too much

...by christa bell

quickie!

yet another way internalized oppression rears its ugly head.

thank you, dr. klein.

the kegel post!

all right, ladies. by now we hope that you're all familiar with the {in}famous kegel exercises.

but just in case, remember when you were little and you discovered you could stop the flow of your pee? that's a kegel.

more scientifically:

The aim of Kegel exercises is to fortify muscle tone by strengthening the pubococcygeus muscles of the pelvic floor. Kegel is a popular prescribed exercise for pregnant women to prepare the pelvic floor for physiological stresses of the later stages of pregnancy and vaginal childbirth. Kegel exercises are said to be good for treating vaginal prolapse and preventing uterine prolapse in women and for treating prostate pain and swelling resulting from benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and prostatitis in men. Kegel exercises may be beneficial in treating urinary incontinence in both men and women. Kegel exercises may also increase sexual gratification.

so, basically, kegels can...

• help ease childbirth;
• keep all your lady parts in the right places by strengthening the pelvic floor, which holds up everything from your uterus and bladder to part of your intestines;
• and assist in increasing your sex goddess potential.

your vagina, like most parts of your body, contains muscles. fortunately for us, they're voluntary muscles that can be strengthened and controlled.

about.com has a great how-to blurb for kegels. for more tactile learners, devices such as jade eggs, and ben-wa balls can be helpful. experiment during a session with your favorite dildo/vibe.

{one note about ben-wa balls - go for high quality ones made of pure, non-coated stainless steel or natural stones/gems, particularly if you're prone to vaginal irritation and/or urinary tract infections.}

finally, always remember to consider the energetic implications of conditioning a particular area of the physical body. the reproductive organs are part of the root chakra, and their relative illness/wellness can be an indication of how safe, grounded and connected you feel in all areas of your life.

have a great workout!



big thanks to see line woman for suggesting this topic!