sex work, migration, and anti-trafficking

it's always more complicated than we think it is...

in this interview, two women critically discuss the intersections of sex work and migration.

from nandita sharma:

Basically, there is a fundamental disagreement between those who want to end sex work and those who want to make sex work safer for women. The fundamental disagreement is whether or not women have the right to engage in sex work. Most people in the anti-trafficking camp believe that there is no way that women can ever engage in sex work without being fundamentally exploited. I disagree with that, as do most sex workers’ organizations. Most of them point out that sex work can be made safer, can be made more dignified – and the way to do that is to stop demonizing those who are engaged in it. Along with decriminalizing sex work, we can support union organizing within the sex industry. [...] We need to understand sex work as one of the options available to women in a capitalist economy. We need to work, and sex work is a viable option for many women.

Ultimately, if we want to end the exploitation of women, we need to challenge capitalism, which is the basis for all of our exploitation.

from jessica yee:

First, a meaningful way to struggle for justice is to actually work with sex workers. Take their lead, just like you would with any other ally-based movement. Second, we have to address people’s great unwillingness to talk about sex and sexuality more generally. Without these conversations people will have a difficult time coming to terms with real trafficking and real exploitation.

We need to have frank discussions about sex work, and about sex and sexuality more generally. These topics are particularly taboo in Indigenous communities. This is because colonization is such a real presence for us. And if you’re going to take away a people’s most powerful abilities, you’re also going to take away their sexuality, which is why I think we have members of our own communities who conflate “trafficking” with sex work and assume it is all “bad for women.” We’re in survival mode and trying to keep our communities together, trying to keep our communities free of violence, and ain’t nobody helpin’ us!

this one is full of quotables...we suggest reading it in full in addition to checking out some of the sex work organization links listed on the serious side sidebar.  

keep questioning.

the black love crisis (9)

super hussy to the rescue!

glad she chimed in, 'cause that was a necessary voice.

the black love crisis (2)

dr. cooper's huffington post article is about the best article we've seen thus far on the "single black woman crisis". why? for this:

At the same time, those Black women who make a concerted effort not to male bash, ever-attendant to the social plight of black men, begin the harsh internal dialogue about dealing with our daddy issues, confronting our self-esteem problems, conquering debt, accepting the fact that our stock might be lower because we have children, making sure we have the qualities of good submissive Biblical helpmeets. And the list goes on.

Rarely have I heard anyone say to Black men that they need to deal with their daddy issues, which they most assuredly have if the statistics on absentee fatherhood are even nominally true, or that they should confront their self-esteem problems, which plays out for them often through a range of unproductive, casual relationships. In both scenarios, Black women erroneously accept personal responsibility for what is ultimately a social problem, generations in the making.

she continues:

Third, let's seriously rethink our investments in a patriarchal gender role system that harms black families in multiple ways. Patriarchy makes women feel guilty for prioritizing careers alongside parenting and men feel less masculine for taking an active role in the home. It makes men feel insecure when women earn more money and causes women to overlook brothers who are good providers, perhaps not financially, but emotionally and parentally.

Patriarchy causes men to devalue the importance of being an emotional partner and companion, which is often what women who are financially and professionally secure desire in relationships.

which is a much better way of stating what we were getting at here. bravo, dr. cooper!

lola adesioye also chimed in, mirroring our own annoyance with the recent media blitz:

I am somewhat perturbed by the slew of stories on this topic. They are negative, unhelpful and only serve to perpetuate negative ideas about black men and women which often become self-fulfilling.

granted, there is some unexamined class stuff floating around here, driving home the paradoxical position of class in the black community.  both a dividing line and a life-jacket, class often separates us from one another while ensuring survival for others.

still, it's good to see folks challenging the growing image of the pitiful black professional woman.  keep at it, ladies!

the black love crisis*

we came across this gem on single black male via twitter**.

first, we'd like to applaud "veronica" and "bahama" for their comments. right on for illustrating the possibilities of a partnership model!

but the main question the blog raises is this: with all the things black folks have to work through in their intimate relationships - from within and without - is operating within these rigid gender roles really the ultimate way to repair our hearts and homes, particularly when those roles are not necessarily reflective of our original culture, values and history?

in this 21st century world where women are {blessedly} able to educate themselves to their heart's delight and pursue their ambitions while single or partnered, is it a bad thing that we need more in a partner/mate than the ability to bring home the bacon and "wear the pants"?  why aren't men doing more questioning around who they were taught to be? 

furthermore, when entering what we hope is meant to be an egalitarian, intimate relationship between two consenting adults, why are we ever concerned with who's leading who instead of discerning who has the necessary skills, gifts and life experience in a particular area, and working out their lives around that?

in case you missed the memo, sexism hurts us all.

when we subscribe to these sorts of rules, standards, and assumptions without question - and, even accounting for humor, the level of assumption here is simply astounding - followed by disdain for those who question that acceptance, we turn women into barefoot, pregnant portraits of intellectual and emotional frustration destined to couple with  preening, self-important peacocks of men convinced they have the right to the big piece of chicken {we kid} and to rule with an iron fist {not so funny}.

wouldn't it be a joy to couple with a focus on aligning minds, hearts and destinies? what would happen if we were allowed to be our whole selves, regardless of gender?

why not a world with nurturing, intellectually brilliant working mothers who will raise equally brilliant babies?  and there's certainly nothing wrong with a man who can routinely cook, clean, change a diaper and still put a righteous cap in someone's ass for stepping to his fam.

now, we are not denying that men and women are different. however, we do question the way these differences have been upheld and reinforced in societal contexts to the detriment of women and children, the unearned privilege inherent in maleness and masculine identification, and the artificial imposition of these {largely western european} norms on people of african descent.

beloveds: do what works for you. know what you need. learn to be the best partner you can be.  how much of a "woman" or "man" you are in the eyes of a culture with a dysfunctional lens in such matters should be the least of your worries.

if we can let the arbitrary notions go, maybe we'll all get a little closer to the love we deserve and make the world a little better in the process.


*considering all the recent lamentations around the state of black womanhood and the dismal prospects for {a particular definition of} black love in general, this may will become a series. every friday, we'll be posting "alternative" viewpoints on black love.  follow us on twitter to get the latest & greatest.

**this is not a blog we frequent, so this commentary isn't meant to be a damning indictment of all their content.  e.g., a quick search yielded this, so obviously the brothas have a sense of humor about themselves, too {questionable criteria for the "simp" and the "effeminate" notwithstanding...}.

quickie!

have we ever mentioned that we love soulbrother v.2?

well, we do.

and his new entry about black women being the new black is one of the reasons why. go read it!

our injured insults

have you ever noticed that some of our most stinging insults revolve around our genitalia?

cunt
prick
pussy
dick

we can do better than that, can't we? why do we insist on maligning the very parts that bring us so much pleasure, not to mention bring us into the world?  they should be the last aspects of our bodies that we relegate to such a lowly status.

in particular, the notion of a "pussy" being a weak, floundering and easily manipulated individual flies in the face of all the wonderful things the yoni actually does--from menstruation to birth and everything inbetween.  but we digress.

we can hear some of you thinking, "well, what about rising above our lower/animal nature?" and all that.

well, that can be a valid point.  we're not suggesting that you be led by your desires in a singular, detrimental way.  however, sexual energy can be diffused throughout the body to heal, enliven and strengthen*.  the willful separation of these energies from our higher, more ethereal ones is what has caused the most confusion, not desire itself.

so, the next time you need to insult someone--which should be rare, but if it's well deserved, have at it!--think about the words you're using. 

if they have to do with something you were just enjoying a few hours or days earlier, think twice.

your djed deserves better, and so does the gateway to life.


*do your homework re: semen retention. although the benefits have long been revered in several cultures, it's also physically beneficial to let go.

quickie!

once again, bianca's dropping jewels in her newest article: "what do we know about open relationships?"

when sex becomes offensive

{note: slight trigger warning. no graphic content, but discussion of sex offense laws & news articles follow}

well. here's a complex issue for ya...

i think we can all agree on the need to protect folks from pedophiles and rapists. but the lack of nuance in some sex offender laws is in need of examination.

for instance, should ALL statutory rape cases be covered, or only those that are actually non-consensual and/or involve a pattern of behavior? cases like this one are popping up all over the country.

"sexting" is another problematic area. by no means are we condoning bullying or saying it's ok for teens to harm each other sexually, but facing the possibility of being labeled a lifelong "sex offender" over the 21st century version of a slambook is, at the very least, extreme.

so, what's the answer?

do we add this to the long list of reasons comprehensive sex education is sorely needed? 

are we, as usual, using a sledgehammer to hang a portrait? asking the wrong questions? 

if we dealt fully and well with the issue of childhood sexual abuse and abusive behavior in general, how many pedophiles/rapists could we avoid creating? 

blaming the victim in dubai

disclaimer: we understand the sun is essentially britain's equivalent to the new york post, and that the reporting here is filled with almost as many "-isms" as the story itself.

but this incident is so indicative of the ways in which kyriarchy and the repression of full and healthy sexuality hurts everyone while simultaneously empowering dangerous, pathological behavior that we had to share.

A British [cis] woman on a break in Dubai went to police after being raped - but SHE was arrested for having illegal sex.

The 23-year-old Londoner was attacked by a waiter in a hotel toilet after celebrating her engagement to her boyfriend with drinks.

But after she admitted boozing and sharing a hotel room with her fiancé, cops in the strict Islamic state arrested her for "illegal drinking" outside licensed premises and having sex outside marriage.

Her 44-year-old fiancé, also from London, was charged with the same offences. And both were thrown in police cells by officers who paid little heed to the rape. [note added - presumed due to noted fear of pregnancy]

plus, you'd think people of faith would be more compassionate to the suffering of others, not to mention fully devoted to the overall uplift of those who carry the future of the culture, i.e., the feminine principle.

but that's a whole other conversation.

quickie!

beyond marriage.org.  because it's time to shift the paradigm.

{thanks to nueva_voz for the link}

quickie!

not quite back in the swing, but had to share this with y'all: sensual marriage counseling for kenyan women...

an excellent and empowering way to help keep hubbies at home with their families.

quickie!

if you haven't heard of sara kruzan, you need to.

the essence of a jump off

recently, essence magazine had a brotha by the name of jozen cummings blog on their it's a man's world site.

a greek 9.com forum post thankfully retained the original text before it was removed from essence's site:

The Truth About Jump Offs
[original url: http://blog.essence.com/itsamansworld/2009/09/the-truth-about-jump-offs.html]

Welcome to ESSENCE.com's new blog where real men sound off on dating and relationships. Writer and editor Jozen Cummings kicks things off.

It may seem like there is no easier arrangement than the one between a man and his jump-off. Friends with benefits always have to be friends first. Ex-lovers we sleep with from time to time, always come with the drama of a relationship past. But jump-off is the burden free title; there are no ex-jump-offs, no friends-as-jump-offs. Just the jump-off, a woman we sleep with until we’re tired of sleeping with them, or, God forbid, they’re tired of sleeping with us.

Yet, here’s the truth: A jump-off situation takes as much maintenance as any other relationship we have with women. There are things men must do to keep our jump-off happy, and though it may seem like we don’t care about a jump-off, ladies, we care. You’re our jump-off and we wouldn’t want to do anything to mess that up, now would we? In order to ensure this doesn’t happen, I’ve written a list of things men must do to keep a jump-off, well, a jump-off and though it may seem short, it’s no less difficult.

Put It Down: In order to have the privilege of being able to just have sex with a woman — to not have to take her out to eat, or even in public for that matter — we must, at all times, fulfill all her sexual desires. A woman doesn’t want to be a jump-off, even when she knows she is, so how do we change her attitude? We make love to her so good she feels like she’s in an R&B video.

No Favors: Even if a man has a flat tire and a dead cell phone right in front of his jump-off’s residence, he knows he cannot, under any circumstances, ask his jump-off to use her phone. If she notices we’re stranded and asks if we need help, we must lie and say we don’t. It should be said, I hate this rule.

I’m On Her Time: Sex with a jump-off is never scheduled in advance, that’s what dates are for. So when a jump-off says she can’t do it at say the reasonable hour of 10 p.m., but she can do it later, at the unreasonable hour of 2 a.m., oh well. Two o’clock am it is, which makes the next and last rule so difficult.

No Spending the Night at the Jump-off’s Place: If we do decide to roll in at 2 am, we must also be willing to roll out at 4 am (or in some cases, 2:30 am), which is hard because it’s late, and we’re tired too.

So you see, ladies? We care very much about those of you we call our jump-off. I know it may not seem like it, given the title, but trust, we know when a jump-off feels good, we feel good too.

now, while the term "jump off" is pretty lame in and of itself, where does he get off making the rules for everyone?  is this a college primer, or is this for grown folks?

the whole tone of the post implies that the woman is cluelessly getting off, while the man is jumping through all sorts of hoops to maintain the air of casual sex--since everyone knows we're wholly incapable of initiating, maintaining, or controlling that sort of relationship on our own terms, right?  right.

one of the strengths of the ethical slut is its near-mantra that productive, healthy sexual freedom is all about everyone being on the same page. that involves real communication and understanding, no matter how basic the interaction. invite someone to bed more than once, and some conversation's gonna have to come in there somewhere.

put another way, there's nothing wrong with jump offs, friends with benefits, and the like. but no one needs or deserves the sort of blatantly patronizing mess jozen is upholding here.

...and that's just the sex part.

how about the fact that this is essence magazine, which is supposed to provide inspiring, loving messages and images to sistas who rarely get them anywhere else.*  to have this posted in a space where it is presumed that our men would be speaking to us as loving, conscious partners, lovers and brothers makes it all the more unforgivable. 

if these are the "unfiltered perspectives on dating and relationships" of 20-30something black men, then i see why they're single.

i'm not angry at jozen, per se.  i am not aware of any of his other work and never heard of him until now.  but if he could write this with a straight face, then he's clearly doing what he's been taught to do when it concerns women who are perceived as being less valuable sexually. conversely, he's also keeping the fellas dancing around all the intimacy and emotional issues they are already forced to deny and suppress in so many ways.

it's an upholding of the status quo.

still, i would love for him to learn a little more about womanist/feminist theory and the fullness of deeply actualized, total womanhood before he deigns to comment on such matters.


addendum: jo nubian has chimed in on this as well...


*although it's worth mentioning that the heterosexist, euro-aesthetized {where are the clearly nappy headed sistas vs. the straw set/good hair "naturals"??} and judeo-christianized environment leaves out a lot of sistas, too. many of us have either never expected essence to speak for us or left that mold long ago.

pause police

do we really need more reason to fear different expressions of sexuality and human beingness?

apparently the pause police think so.

while some stuff is just hilarious, the low level homophobia is tired.

be different, black people, and you could get called out!

{sigh}

for two sugar-approved treatments of the "no homo" issue, please enjoy the videos below.

love your body campaign

a cause after our own heart, the love your body campaign seeks to rage against plastic surgery and airbrushed photo machines by encouraging women to love themselves.

Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement. Print ads and television commercials reduce us to body parts — lips, legs, breasts — airbrushed and touched up to meet impossible standards. TV shows tell women and teenage girls that cosmetic surgery is good for self-esteem. Is it any wonder that 80% of U.S. women are dissatisfied with their appearance?

Women and girls spend billions of dollars every year on cosmetics, fashion, magazines and diet aids. These industries can't use negative images to sell their products without our assistance.

Together, we can fight back.

there's also an awesome poster contest that ties into the love your body calendars.

international no-diet day

love yourself.
be yourself.

celebrate no diet day!

quickie!

a new kind of public service announcement: i am a sex worker.

learn more at sex work awareness.org.

sexy news: special edition - amazon fail

everyone's suddenly twittering about this amazon.com situation.

apparently "adult themed" books no longer have their sales rankings posted. the problem is, even glbtq lifestyle/family-oriented titles are getting caught in the net.

hm.

cnet has some more detailed information. feministe is talking about it, too.

according to urbantantrika, you can call 1-800-201-7575 if you'd like to speak to amazon directly about this action.

update: it seems this could have been the result of an overzealous computer program or human error.

starvation that feeds the soul

been slow around here lately, we know. between real-life-grown-folk obligations and all kinds of energy drains, blogging about love & happiness has become far more difficult than it should be.

so, in the interest of bliss awareness, your impassioned proprietress is planning a physical cleanse and a news fast.

well-loved as democracy now!, wpfw, blogs that expose and inform, and even the local news are, enough is enough.

it's hard out here for an empath.

it is hoped that clearing out the cobwebs and listening to only good people and good news will open the road to inspiration.

and, of course, there's always twitter.

with love & in solidarity,

~:~ ms. bliss ~:~

bring back the bitch

last night your loving proprietress watched bandit queen.

in some parts of the world, little has changed in the 20 years since phoolan became a folk hero to some and a demon to others.

how many phoolans are being born daily through their trauma?

how many exist now whose stories are going untold?

where are the 21st century revolutionary bitch goddesses?

the power of feminine rage has been largely forgotten. it is no longer an archetype that is respected, acknowledged and widely worshiped. it has been made ridiculous and funny on one hand and spiritualized beyond any real world application on the other. the love goddess--while sometimes still branded as a slut or whore--is far more acceptable and accepted than the bitch.

but can we deny the need for the destroying mother? violence against women is still too prevalent. rape, mutilation, sexual/emotional/spiritual abuse...

where is her place?

certainly it cannot only be in bdsm dungeons {in the west, sexualization = disempowerment} and mental institutions {defanged, satirized}.

balance is essential, and the full range of womanhood includes the bitch. period.

we are not speaking of the indiscriminately aggravating, tacky shrew.

we are calling for the passionate, fiery, bullshit illusion destroying bitch.

the castrator of cruel and imbalanced manhood.

the remover of stagnant, useless energy.

the harsh mother who demands respect, excellence and growth from her beloved children.

we need that bitch.


thanks & praise to oshun, kali, oya, the iyaami, ezili dantor, durga, yemonja and the other spiritual protectors and intercessors--named and unnamed--for wronged, abused, and otherwise enraged women. ase.