Showing posts with label for her. Show all posts
Showing posts with label for her. Show all posts

5.29.2010

SHEism: the woman worship way

about a month ago, the illustrious christa bell shared the 40 day orgasm challenge.

we've cut/pasted the document below for those of you who don't have access to facebook. enjoy!


Ecstasy, insight, healing: 40 Days & 40 Nights is a six-week meditative journey into the heart of pussy and the transformative power of your orgasm.

If the conditions for a revolution do not exist, then it is the job of the revolutionary to create them.
-Unknown


Women, erotically empowered, are dangerous.
-Audre Lorde, The Uses of The Erotic: The Erotic as Power



Forty Days & Forty Nights, the initiation into SHEism: The Woman Worship Way, is an exercise, for women, in extreme pleasure and it requires a commitment to having at least one orgasm, every day, for 40 days.

WEEK ONE

An essential component of SHEism, is the cultivation of a tangible, body-centered point of self-reference. We employ the orgasm as this reference point, and after a time of ecstatic daily practice, begin to use it as the barometer against which we measure everything else in our lives. This internal point of self-induced ecstasy is used to determine the level of pure joy and bliss in any relationship, situation or experience. SHEism teaches that the closer a thing feels to your orgasm, the more right for you it is. Your orgasm becomes your joyometer, and as, with attention and cultivation, your orgasm expands and strengthens, so too, will your ability to wield your joy as a tool of practical earthly enlightenment.


How To Use Your Joyometer
The power of your joyometer is rooted in your bodily senses. Your joyometer is a phenomenon of the physical and feeling present. The ideologies of detachment from and transcendence of the physical body run absolutely counter to the use of this internal tool.
In order to become fluent in the use of your joyometer, you must also become fluent in the language of feelings, both physical and emotional. Your commitment to daily, meditative orgasms will help you to orient yourself, in your body, by the light of your ecstasy. You must then remain on the alert to identify both the physical and emotional feeling, or group of feelings, that constitute the opposite of your orgasm. This will make it easy for you to develop a scale of internal reference. My own internal scale lists an emotional range that flows from tragic to magic, with tragic being the antithesis of the rapturous state, and magic representing a complete alignment with my internal experience of bliss.

An example of how to use your joyometer is to ask yourself questions like: How does my relationship compare to my orgasm? How in tune with my orgasm is my job? How does this thing I want to purchase rate on my personal orgasmic scale? By asking questions like this, you will gradually begin to fine-tune your sense of what makes you truly happy. You will be less likely to succumb to outside influences regarding the choices you make for your life. It will be harder for anyone to sell you anything that doesn't sit well with your internal sense of ecstasy.

“Problematic” Orgasms
What if your orgasm doesn't fit into the “pure-bliss and fireworks” category? What if your orgasm is accompanied by feelings of guilt, disgust or shame? What if you are only able to orgasm to the tune of rape or incest fantasies? What if visions of being brutalized, spied on, beaten or betrayed are what turn you one? If any of these scenarios are the case for you, then here, within these pages, is right where you should be.

These emotionally, politically and spiritually complex ways of orgasim, are all common experiences that have, for a variety of reasons, embedded themselves into our understanding and experience of ecstasy. Your responsibility on this journey, is to simply BE with whatever occurs for you during your encounters with your orgasm, even when the feelings and sensations that come up feel shameful, uncomfortable or downright degrading.

For example, if you typically orgasm to the fantasy of being seduced by your father, allow yourself to be conscious of all the feelings that come up around this scenario. Stay away from orgasm-by-rote or, the unconscious and mechanical habit of detached orgasm.
Instead, connect with the excitement, pain, confusion or shame that may be a part of this experience. Connecting and feeling your feelings, even one’s you may judge, is an essential part of being.

What Being Also Looks Like
Being is the act of focusing and holding your attention in every part of your body at once and, in this state, recognizing and feeling your natural connection to your essential Self, the earth, and her inhabitants. It is complete physical and emotional presence and union, and it takes practice. Whole body being takes a persistent and conscious commitment to addressing the fragmentation that is the natural state of women in patriarchal culture. In “Pure Lust: Elemental Feminist Philosophy,” feminist theologian and philosopher Mary Daly described this state of fragmentation:

Within the virulent state of phallocracy, women have been attacked and divided against our Selves. From the earliest times of the patriarchy, countless mothers have been broken, and the resulting broken daughters have carried on the chain of fragmentation. No longer have the broken daughters been able to listen unhindered to the “mysterious” telic centering principle within and become fully Self-actualizing women. Instead, they have been reduced to responding to the fettered/fathered urge to reproduce their altered-that is, patriarchally identified-selves in an endless circle of Self-destruction…

She goes on to say:

Yet the sources of wholeness are within women… (though) overcoming…the programmed separation of all living creatures from the telic centering principle of being, will involve facing the horror of (patriarchy’s) workings and effects.

Being Begins With Breath
For once we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and from our life-pursuits that they fall in accordance with the joy which we know ourselves to be capable of. Our erotic knowledge empowers us, becomes a lens through which we scrutinize all aspects of our existence…
-Audre Lorde, The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power

One of several techniques we will use on this journey of healing the fragmentation of the feminine self, is cultivating the ability to still the mind so that we might listen to and honor the experience of the body. Most of us spend our days using our bodies, to walk, eat, read, exercise, gossip, pray, work and have sex, without ever actually checking in to listen to her wisdom or see if there’s anything special that she needs. The female body houses the greatest untapped resource of wisdom, information and intuition, but we generally keep ourselves too busy to listen to her until we have some kind of a breakdown.

In the exercise that follow, you will be given instructions for how to harness the full power of your body and her intelligence in the service of your ecstasy, healing and evolution.

As you move through the work of 40 Days & 40 nights, please keep in mind the first principle of SHEism: The Woman Worship Way, which is: everything and every way you are is holy and all the ways you come are part of your sacred earthly journey.

40 Days & 40 nights is a vehicle to examine, heighten awareness of and transform your relationship to your coochie, your orgasm and your most powerful and creative self.

If you’d like to come on this journey (pun intended) you will need a hand mirror, a blank notebook, something to write and draw with, a vibrator and whatever else you need in order to have an orgasm (a quiet room, massage oils, music etc.) You will also need to think of the time you spend coaxing delicious orgasms from your body as a meditation. To that end, it's a good idea to set a consistent time that is long enough and private enough for you to relax into your bliss.

This week:
1. Give yourself an orgasm every day for the next seven days. This is an exercise that you will do alone. Prioritize and be persistent with this goal, commit to having your daily orgasm by any means necessary. Rearrange your schedule, cancel an appointment, pick the kids up late, hire a babysitter, rent a hotel room, take an extra long lunch break, lock the door to your bathroom. Do whatever you need to do, to fit in your daily orgasm.

2. Meditate on your breath for 10 minutes first thing in the morning, and right before you go to bed. The best way to do this exercise is to sit upright in a comfortable chair, with the soles of your feet on the floor, your back straight and supported, and your hands resting loosely on your thighs. If it is more comfortable for you to sit on the floor cross-legged, this is ok too. Close your eyes and bring all of your attention to your nose and the breath flowing in and out of your nostrils. As you settle into this exercise, be aware of when your mind begins to be agitated, starts daydreaming or generally starts to squirm as you focus on your breath. Gently and persistently bring your mind back to your breath every time your attention wanders. Sit for ten minutes.

3. Essentialized Orgasm: Write the autobiography of your orgasm in 24 words, no more and no less. Try to include everything that has ever happened to your orgasm, from her conception to the present.

4. When you have completed writing the autobiography of your orgasm in 24 words, below it, write the autobiography of your orgasm in 12 words. Feel free to use some or all of the same words from your 24-word autobiography, but you may also use completely different words. Perhaps there is something you forgot to say your first time around, or there’s a point that needs more attention. Go ahead and use these next 12 words to either repeat, expand or bring clarity to your orgasm’s life!

5. Beneath the 12 words, now write the autobiography of your orgasm in six words. Same instructions as above.
6. Beneath the six words, write the autobiography of your orgasm in three words.

7. Beneath the three-word autobiography, please tell the entire life story of your orgasm in one word! All the joy, all the sorrow, the ups and the downs. If you had to tell her whole story in only one word, what would that word be?

8. Now, go back to the top of the page and write, as your title, “In The Beginning: _________.” Fill in the blank with your one-word autobiography. Congratulations! You’ve just written your first SHEist scripture!

9. Read your scripture aloud to one, supportive witness who is kind and whom you trust. Try not to give too much explanation around the exercise. Notice the feelings that come up for you as you share this intimate experience.

10. Every day this week, with the help of your hand mirror, draw a picture of your coochie. Use this time to bring awareness to how you feel about your coochie from moment to moment. Notice when your attention drifts or when you become bored. Notice the feelings of discovery, revulsion or delight you may experience.

If you’ve never had an orgasm, or don’t know how to generate one on your own, read on, the next post is for you!

Copyright Christa Bell 2010

5.02.2010

recommended viewing

v-day: until the violence stops

you'll laugh
you'll cry
you'll wanna kick some ass.

and if you haven't seen the vagina monologues, that's another highly recommended piece. criticisms duly noted, it can be a good way to get the conversation started.

8.30.2009

quickie!

my monthly cycles is the newest addition to our goodies section, and a good way to help you celebrate, love and honor your cycle.

the site helps you track your moon {menstrual} and fertility cycles electronically. you can set up email reminders with a subject heading of your choosing, and calendars can be customized to include moon phases.

happy tracking!

6.01.2009

the kegel post!

all right, ladies. by now we hope that you're all familiar with the {in}famous kegel exercises.

but just in case, remember when you were little and you discovered you could stop the flow of your pee? that's a kegel.

more scientifically:
The aim of Kegel exercises is to fortify muscle tone by strengthening the pubococcygeus muscles of the pelvic floor. Kegel is a popular prescribed exercise for pregnant women to prepare the pelvic floor for physiological stresses of the later stages of pregnancy and vaginal childbirth. Kegel exercises are said to be good for treating vaginal prolapse and preventing uterine prolapse in women and for treating prostate pain and swelling resulting from benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and prostatitis in men. Kegel exercises may be beneficial in treating urinary incontinence in both men and women. Kegel exercises may also increase sexual gratification.

so, basically, kegels can...

  • help ease childbirth;
  • keep all your lady parts in the right places by strengthening the pelvic floor, which holds up everything from your uterus and bladder to part of your intestines;
  • and assist in increasing your sex goddess potential.
your vagina, like most parts of your body, contains muscles. fortunately for us, they're voluntary muscles that can be strengthened and controlled.

about.com has a great how-to blurb for kegels. for more tactile learners, devices such as jade eggs, and ben-wa balls can be helpful. experiment during a session with your favorite dildo/vibe.

{one note about ben-wa balls - go for high quality ones made of pure, non-coated stainless steel or natural stones/gems, particularly if you're prone to vaginal irritation and/or urinary tract infections.}

finally, always remember to consider the energetic implications of conditioning a particular area of the physical body. the reproductive organs are part of the root chakra, and their relative illness/wellness can be an indication of how safe, grounded and connected you feel in all areas of your life.

have a great workout!



big thanks to see line woman for suggesting this topic!

5.08.2009

love your body campaign

a cause after our own heart, the love your body campaign seeks to rage against plastic surgery and airbrushed photo machines by encouraging women to love themselves.

Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement. Print ads and television commercials reduce us to body parts — lips, legs, breasts — airbrushed and touched up to meet impossible standards. TV shows tell women and teenage girls that cosmetic surgery is good for self-esteem. Is it any wonder that 80% of U.S. women are dissatisfied with their appearance?

Women and girls spend billions of dollars every year on cosmetics, fashion, magazines and diet aids. These industries can't use negative images to sell their products without our assistance.

Together, we can fight back.

there's also an awesome poster contest that ties into the love your body calendars.

5.07.2009

one size fits all (?)

well, it had to come up sometime: does size matter?

the discussion's been had everywhere from casual soirees, internet chat rooms, bachelorette parties and boardrooms.

for those of you that just yelled "yes, dammit!" at the computer screen, you might want to check out lpsg's {definitely not work safe. at all.} resources for the, uh, gifted gentleman.

as luck would have it, it's one of those sites where you need to sign up to have the most fun, and it's not just for the fellas.

once inside, it's pretty easy to see that along with the videos and photo galleries, it's basically a message board/networking site. there are forums specifically for women and one for "healthy penis" discussions. there are also special interest groups ranging from specific fetishes to regional meetups.

before you get all giddy, know that it's a free country, so some of the fellas are quite average. it's also on the pale side. but it definitely does the job of dispelling those myths about our distant caucasian cousins.

happy browsing!

3.13.2009

mixed blessing?

just ran across this article about the one taste urban retreat center.

first thought was: a retreat center focused on the female orgasm? right up our alley!

but the whole commune thing was a bit daunting...

i don't doubt that there could be good information being disseminated, and closing such a practice to transient participants is understandable.

then again, there are several ways to establish confidentiality and other norms within temporary groups that would make such a meditation possible over a few hours or a weekend.

visit one taste's site and decide for yourself.

thoughts?

props to cruel secretary for twittering this.



3.02.2009

quickie!

did you know that may 6th is international no diet day? me neither!

also, for east coasters, the fat girl flea market is happening on april 4th.

thanks to bianca laureano for twittering about this!

2.11.2009

for you, valentine

whether you're in love, out of love, hopelessly bitter or overly optimistic, you'll find something to smile about in the city paper's valentines.

enjoy!

1.22.2009

12.21.2008

you are normal*. really. we mean it.

note: this blog links to sites containing explicit nudity of the female form and other adult material. click responsibly.

while doing some general web surfing, your devoted proprietress came across sexy labia.com, which contains an article detailing why playboy does not use models with "protruding" labia.

that might also explain why you don't see a lot of non-european women modeling for them, no?

also, while visiting the luminous goddess glory, anti-bra.com was discovered. unfortunately it appears that the pages are no longer updated, but if you've had issues with bras in the past {or have them now}, it's a good place to start researching alternatives.

even your loving author would have thought her girls were horribly droopy and non-compliant had she not been exposed to national geographic at an early age and realized she actually had african-looking breasts. who'd have thought it?

the details surrounding female infantilization and how we're taught what's "normal" for our bodies--not the least of which involves hairless yonis, perfectly taut boobs and safely tucked labia--would take weeks to unravel.

please know that whatever you have, you are normal because your body is your gift. if you're a C on one side and a B on the other and wanna get that dealt with, by all means, do so. just make sure you do it for YOU.

plus, you're grown. barring a bout of alopecia, you're supposed to have hair down there. if you prefer your gateway to heaven bald as a newborn's bottom, go for it. but if you don't and somebody wants to give you hell for it, tell 'em to go find a new one.

and, if all that wasn't enough, go watch some amateur movies**. that oughta teach ya.


*whatever that means...

**google it yourself! {there's plenty out there...}

due to the differing schools of thought on pornography--amateur and pro--we made an executive decision not to link to explicitly pornographic sites from this blog. hm. that sounds like another post...


12.06.2008

quickie!

the fashions of sessi edi.

benin, stand up!



12.03.2008

bejeweled

in the interest of promoting sensual enlightenment, your devoted proprietress felt she would be remiss if she did not suggest that all the empresses out there consider crafting or purchasing a set of waist beads.

of course, they are de rigueur for our professional temptresses, but afrikan women have used these beads for everything from enticement {imagine a human shekere or tambourine...} to spiritual protection.

they also promote a very specific level of sensual awareness essential for boosting one's swagger.

it doesn't matter if you're 120 or 220 lbs--this is a pleasurable gift you can give yourself. it's completely up to you whether, when, and how you share it.

if you're so inclined, go on and string them up yourself. small glass beads* on a simple but quality cotton thread are best.

if crafting is not your steez, go and get you some.

once you've gotten used to wearing them, you'll wonder how you ever got along without them.

you can thank us later.

peace!



*e or seed beads. see these examples.



12.02.2008

be a g.

greetings & salutations, lovelies.

we're already almost a full decade into the 21st century, so i'm hoping that anyone old enough to patronize the bohemian bliss boudoir is well aware that the g-spot (or, grafenberg spot, if you wanna get clinical) does exist, and that female ejaculation--while not highly visible, typically--is a scientifically documented phenomenon.

a quick google search even revealed some youtube footage of...well, who knows what. go find out.

if you're a fan of keepin' it real, alexyss tylor will hook you up. there's bound to be some commentary on all this in there somewhere. it's probably safe to infer that her references to "the bottom" have something to do with the g-spot, since hittin' the cervix will typically get you a punch in the face.

the point? the truth is out there. seek it.

kings: if you don't know the best way to hit your queen's sweet spot, find out. now. if you are in the know and she is woefully unaware, please put her on. when she can speak again, she'll thank you. trust me.

queens: if your consort is a great guy who's missing that special something, put him on. there are lots of ways to get there; don't be afraid of hands (trim those nails! you know better!), g-spot centered toys, veggies, etc and so on. figure it out yourself so you can teach him later. if you feel like it. i wouldn't blame you if you wanted to keep it your little secret.*

please understand that a porn star physique is not required. if length is an issue, prop yourselves up. pillows are your friend. so are yoga blocks & belts. experiment. get outta the bedroom and onto some sturdy chairs, tables...creativity is your friend.

and, as a cyber-acquaintance used to say, "you can never have enough lube".**

as always, remember that each of us are unique wonders of creation. g-spots are generally in the same position from woman to woman, but there are variations. some are pronounced and easily accessed. others might require some deep sea pearl diving.

finally, arousal is key. if you're new to this, please know it is not an undertaking for the after-the-club quickie. your first weekend away together? definitely. take your time, breathe, and bliss out.

as always, the sugar shack wishes you lascivious lovin and outstanding orgasms.

peace & blessings!



*you will not pee on yourself. that feeling means it's working. roll with it. rise above it. breathe through it. it will pass.

**something with a water or silicone base is best. k-y will do in a pinch, but is NOT meant for prolonged sensual encounters. the links to babeland and a woman's touch on the right hand menu can offer more information.