the pleasure in our "pain"

check it.

SHEism: the woman worship way

about a month ago, the illustrious christa bell shared the 40 day orgasm challenge.

we've cut/pasted the document below for those of you who don't have access to facebook. enjoy!

Ecstasy, insight, healing: 40 Days & 40 Nights is a six-week meditative journey into the heart of pussy and the transformative power of your orgasm.

If the conditions for a revolution do not exist, then it is the job of the revolutionary to create them.
-Unknown

Women, erotically empowered, are dangerous.
-Audre Lorde, The Uses of The Erotic: The Erotic as Power


Forty Days & Forty Nights, the initiation into SHEism: The Woman Worship Way, is an exercise, for women, in extreme pleasure and it requires a commitment to having at least one orgasm, every day, for 40 days.

WEEK ONE

An essential component of SHEism, is the cultivation of a tangible, body-centered point of self-reference. We employ the orgasm as this reference point, and after a time of ecstatic daily practice, begin to use it as the barometer against which we measure everything else in our lives. This internal point of self-induced ecstasy is used to determine the level of pure joy and bliss in any relationship, situation or experience. SHEism teaches that the closer a thing feels to your orgasm, the more right for you it is. Your orgasm becomes your joyometer, and as, with attention and cultivation, your orgasm expands and strengthens, so too, will your ability to wield your joy as a tool of practical earthly enlightenment.


How To Use Your Joyometer
The power of your joyometer is rooted in your bodily senses. Your joyometer is a phenomenon of the physical and feeling present. The ideologies of detachment from and transcendence of the physical body run absolutely counter to the use of this internal tool.
In order to become fluent in the use of your joyometer, you must also become fluent in the language of feelings, both physical and emotional. Your commitment to daily, meditative orgasms will help you to orient yourself, in your body, by the light of your ecstasy. You must then remain on the alert to identify both the physical and emotional feeling, or group of feelings, that constitute the opposite of your orgasm. This will make it easy for you to develop a scale of internal reference. My own internal scale lists an emotional range that flows from tragic to magic, with tragic being the antithesis of the rapturous state, and magic representing a complete alignment with my internal experience of bliss.

An example of how to use your joyometer is to ask yourself questions like: How does my relationship compare to my orgasm? How in tune with my orgasm is my job? How does this thing I want to purchase rate on my personal orgasmic scale? By asking questions like this, you will gradually begin to fine-tune your sense of what makes you truly happy. You will be less likely to succumb to outside influences regarding the choices you make for your life. It will be harder for anyone to sell you anything that doesn't sit well with your internal sense of ecstasy.

“Problematic” Orgasms
What if your orgasm doesn't fit into the “pure-bliss and fireworks” category? What if your orgasm is accompanied by feelings of guilt, disgust or shame? What if you are only able to orgasm to the tune of rape or incest fantasies? What if visions of being brutalized, spied on, beaten or betrayed are what turn you one? If any of these scenarios are the case for you, then here, within these pages, is right where you should be.

These emotionally, politically and spiritually complex ways of orgasim, are all common experiences that have, for a variety of reasons, embedded themselves into our understanding and experience of ecstasy. Your responsibility on this journey, is to simply BE with whatever occurs for you during your encounters with your orgasm, even when the feelings and sensations that come up feel shameful, uncomfortable or downright degrading.

For example, if you typically orgasm to the fantasy of being seduced by your father, allow yourself to be conscious of all the feelings that come up around this scenario. Stay away from orgasm-by-rote or, the unconscious and mechanical habit of detached orgasm.
Instead, connect with the excitement, pain, confusion or shame that may be a part of this experience. Connecting and feeling your feelings, even one’s you may judge, is an essential part of being.

What Being Also Looks Like
Being is the act of focusing and holding your attention in every part of your body at once and, in this state, recognizing and feeling your natural connection to your essential Self, the earth, and her inhabitants. It is complete physical and emotional presence and union, and it takes practice. Whole body being takes a persistent and conscious commitment to addressing the fragmentation that is the natural state of women in patriarchal culture. In “Pure Lust: Elemental Feminist Philosophy,” feminist theologian and philosopher Mary Daly described this state of fragmentation:

Within the virulent state of phallocracy, women have been attacked and divided against our Selves. From the earliest times of the patriarchy, countless mothers have been broken, and the resulting broken daughters have carried on the chain of fragmentation. No longer have the broken daughters been able to listen unhindered to the “mysterious” telic centering principle within and become fully Self-actualizing women. Instead, they have been reduced to responding to the fettered/fathered urge to reproduce their altered-that is, patriarchally identified-selves in an endless circle of Self-destruction…

She goes on to say:

Yet the sources of wholeness are within women… (though) overcoming…the programmed separation of all living creatures from the telic centering principle of being, will involve facing the horror of (patriarchy’s) workings and effects.

Being Begins With Breath
For once we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and from our life-pursuits that they fall in accordance with the joy which we know ourselves to be capable of. Our erotic knowledge empowers us, becomes a lens through which we scrutinize all aspects of our existence…
-Audre Lorde, The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power

One of several techniques we will use on this journey of healing the fragmentation of the feminine self, is cultivating the ability to still the mind so that we might listen to and honor the experience of the body. Most of us spend our days using our bodies, to walk, eat, read, exercise, gossip, pray, work and have sex, without ever actually checking in to listen to her wisdom or see if there’s anything special that she needs. The female body houses the greatest untapped resource of wisdom, information and intuition, but we generally keep ourselves too busy to listen to her until we have some kind of a breakdown.

In the exercise that follow, you will be given instructions for how to harness the full power of your body and her intelligence in the service of your ecstasy, healing and evolution.

As you move through the work of 40 Days & 40 nights, please keep in mind the first principle of SHEism: The Woman Worship Way, which is: everything and every way you are is holy and all the ways you come are part of your sacred earthly journey.

40 Days & 40 nights is a vehicle to examine, heighten awareness of and transform your relationship to your coochie, your orgasm and your most powerful and creative self.

If you’d like to come on this journey (pun intended) you will need a hand mirror, a blank notebook, something to write and draw with, a vibrator and whatever else you need in order to have an orgasm (a quiet room, massage oils, music etc.) You will also need to think of the time you spend coaxing delicious orgasms from your body as a meditation. To that end, it's a good idea to set a consistent time that is long enough and private enough for you to relax into your bliss.

This week:
1. Give yourself an orgasm every day for the next seven days. This is an exercise that you will do alone. Prioritize and be persistent with this goal, commit to having your daily orgasm by any means necessary. Rearrange your schedule, cancel an appointment, pick the kids up late, hire a babysitter, rent a hotel room, take an extra long lunch break, lock the door to your bathroom. Do whatever you need to do, to fit in your daily orgasm.

2. Meditate on your breath for 10 minutes first thing in the morning, and right before you go to bed. The best way to do this exercise is to sit upright in a comfortable chair, with the soles of your feet on the floor, your back straight and supported, and your hands resting loosely on your thighs. If it is more comfortable for you to sit on the floor cross-legged, this is ok too. Close your eyes and bring all of your attention to your nose and the breath flowing in and out of your nostrils. As you settle into this exercise, be aware of when your mind begins to be agitated, starts daydreaming or generally starts to squirm as you focus on your breath. Gently and persistently bring your mind back to your breath every time your attention wanders. Sit for ten minutes.

3. Essentialized Orgasm: Write the autobiography of your orgasm in 24 words, no more and no less. Try to include everything that has ever happened to your orgasm, from her conception to the present.

4. When you have completed writing the autobiography of your orgasm in 24 words, below it, write the autobiography of your orgasm in 12 words. Feel free to use some or all of the same words from your 24-word autobiography, but you may also use completely different words. Perhaps there is something you forgot to say your first time around, or there’s a point that needs more attention. Go ahead and use these next 12 words to either repeat, expand or bring clarity to your orgasm’s life!

5. Beneath the 12 words, now write the autobiography of your orgasm in six words. Same instructions as above.
6. Beneath the six words, write the autobiography of your orgasm in three words.

7. Beneath the three-word autobiography, please tell the entire life story of your orgasm in one word! All the joy, all the sorrow, the ups and the downs. If you had to tell her whole story in only one word, what would that word be?

8. Now, go back to the top of the page and write, as your title, “In The Beginning: _________.” Fill in the blank with your one-word autobiography. Congratulations! You’ve just written your first SHEist scripture!

9. Read your scripture aloud to one, supportive witness who is kind and whom you trust. Try not to give too much explanation around the exercise. Notice the feelings that come up for you as you share this intimate experience.

10. Every day this week, with the help of your hand mirror, draw a picture of your coochie. Use this time to bring awareness to how you feel about your coochie from moment to moment. Notice when your attention drifts or when you become bored. Notice the feelings of discovery, revulsion or delight you may experience.

If you’ve never had an orgasm, or don’t know how to generate one on your own, read on, the next post is for you!

Copyright Christa Bell 2010

quickie!

makeda voletta talks about the power of the menstrual cycle on the powerful women only show.

quickie!

uganda-based afri-pads is providing resuable, cotton menstrual products to give girls the opportunity to stay in school during their cycles!

Our objective is to produce and distribute low-cost, washable menstrual pads to schoolgirls in rural Uganda. By providing girls with an affordable sanitary product, we aim to empower girls with the confidence to stay in school school during their monthly period.

{thanks to quirky black girls, naija blog and timbuktu chronicles for the heads up!}

quickie!

my monthly cycles is the newest addition to our goodies section, and a good way to help you celebrate, love and honor your cycle.

the site helps you track your moon {menstrual} and fertility cycles electronically. you can set up email reminders with a subject heading of your choosing, and calendars can be customized to include moon phases.

happy tracking!

baby makes me

the woman who brought you the black./womyn. project and fly poet staceyann chin are collaborating on a new project, baby makes me.

here is their call for participants and support, as seen on sparkle's blog...

PLEASE POST ON YOUR BLOGS, SITES, LISTS etc. Help us reach the folks we need.

Many of you have already heard about our film, Baby Makes me. For you, this is an update. But for the folks who have not heard Tiona and I are making a documentary together.

For years, I have wanted to become a mother. But the timing has never been quite right. Either my partners weren’t ready, or I was scared, or I couldn’t find a donor or something. There was always something. By the time I rolled into 35, I was tired of being afraid, tired of waiting for the right woman with whom it would be the right time, tired of watching every Christmas roll over another Birthday, tired of watching my peers get knocked up and months later appear with the most amazing little bundle of potential—I was tired of waiting and ready to make the leap, and I was ready to make it alone.

I began the research with great heart—only to discover that there were little no resources for women who either wanted to, or had to embark on the journey of motherhood in the solo. There were one or two essays and a few books on artificial insemination, and some were even directed at lesbians—but most, if not all assumed that the mother would be operating from inside of a partnership, be that partnership heterosexual or homosexual.

The idea for the film came out of a conversation with Tiona to film the pregnancy/labor, assuming that there would be one—because no one, least of all me, knows if my body will cooperate in doing such a thing as conceiving. I envisioned Tiona asking a couple of heartfelt questions and spinning the light to create a high-end home-movie I could show my child at eighteen. She agreed and we began to flesh out some ideas. That conversation, coupled with the lack of resource material out there spurred the project now known as Baby Makes Me.

Baby Makes Me, a feature-length documentary, will explore the challenges and triumphs of Single Motherhood, particularly in the lives of women of color, lesbians and women who make a conscious choice to be mothers in the absence of intimate/romantic partnerships with men.

The film will use as its narrative skeleton, the journey of activist/writer/performer, Staceyann Chin, as she navigates her personal choices with reference to motherhood. Author of the memoir, The Other Side of Paradise, Chin now brings her talents to the medium of film as writer and Executive Producer.

The Director, Tiona McClodden, is a champion of promoting positive images of women in media. Her last film, “Black./womyn.:conversations…”, garnered much respect in both accolades and awards. She now brings her attention to the issue of women and motherhood.

It is our intent to interview a series of women from all the demographic cross-sections. Issues of financial, ethical, medical, cultural, and political relevance will be fore-grounded. We hope that clinics, hospitals, families, children of Black lesbians, straight Black women who want children, mothers of gay women who lament the loss of grandchildren when they discover their daughters are gay, and anybody who seeks to have a clearer picture of the family that includes gay women will see that our lives go on, that women who are single, be they lesbian, or Black or poor, can and do have babies, and that we are simply another group of people who live and laugh and grow. We hope to paint the subjects in the film as human and likable characters who, though they are dealing with slightly different challenges than the women we traditionally see as mothers, are not very different from any other group of people considering parenthood.

We are going to need all the help we can get. We need help in reaching out to folks who would like to be interviewed; other single mothers, women who have been inseminated, women who are thinking about it, women who work in the medical field, women who work in the administrative world of policy etc. We are on the hunt for the all the voices that could represent our story in the film.

We have recently been awarded a grant from ASTREA Lesbian Foundation for Justice and are set to move forward. We write to you now, in the hope that you will want to be involved in this groundbreaking project in whatever capacity you choose: we need space to host fundraisers and screening and other events connected to the film. We need people to fundraise, to promote the film, to host community talks, to suggest topics for discussion in the film—we need to secure additional investors, we need the help of people who are experts in the business of making films, and we need the counter-perspective of people who have never made a film. We are hoping to make this a community effort; from start to finish we want the ideas to be representative of the various factions in our diverse village of the women who mother our children. If you are sure you are unable to do any of the above, we only ask that you make room for our fliers, questionnaires, invitations, and other promotional materials for the film.

We would be honored if you would join us as we attempt to break more ceilings, level more walls to make room those of us who are too frequently left out of the history and imagination of the world we live in. We look forward to a spirited journey with you, from the opening shot to the ending credits—complete with your name listed among the most stalwart of our supporters.

Thanks again to the women who have already offered assistance. We look forward to your being a part of our process.

Staceyann Chin
Executive Producer/Writer, “Baby Makes Me”
Tiona McClodden
Director/Producer, “Baby Makes Me”

Please send all inquiries and requests to: babymakesme@gmail.com

celebrate, love and honor your cycle

would have labeled this a quickie, but it really is so, so much more.

it is essential that all of us--women especially, but also the men that love us--reopen to the fact that our menstrual cycle is just as important and powerful as the changing of the seasons and the phases of the moon, including recalling the true intentions around menstrual "taboos" and seclusion.



you owe it to yourself to check out diva mama tonya and her you tube channel.

the kegel post!

all right, ladies. by now we hope that you're all familiar with the {in}famous kegel exercises.

but just in case, remember when you were little and you discovered you could stop the flow of your pee? that's a kegel.

more scientifically:

The aim of Kegel exercises is to fortify muscle tone by strengthening the pubococcygeus muscles of the pelvic floor. Kegel is a popular prescribed exercise for pregnant women to prepare the pelvic floor for physiological stresses of the later stages of pregnancy and vaginal childbirth. Kegel exercises are said to be good for treating vaginal prolapse and preventing uterine prolapse in women and for treating prostate pain and swelling resulting from benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and prostatitis in men. Kegel exercises may be beneficial in treating urinary incontinence in both men and women. Kegel exercises may also increase sexual gratification.

so, basically, kegels can...

• help ease childbirth;
• keep all your lady parts in the right places by strengthening the pelvic floor, which holds up everything from your uterus and bladder to part of your intestines;
• and assist in increasing your sex goddess potential.

your vagina, like most parts of your body, contains muscles. fortunately for us, they're voluntary muscles that can be strengthened and controlled.

about.com has a great how-to blurb for kegels. for more tactile learners, devices such as jade eggs, and ben-wa balls can be helpful. experiment during a session with your favorite dildo/vibe.

{one note about ben-wa balls - go for high quality ones made of pure, non-coated stainless steel or natural stones/gems, particularly if you're prone to vaginal irritation and/or urinary tract infections.}

finally, always remember to consider the energetic implications of conditioning a particular area of the physical body. the reproductive organs are part of the root chakra, and their relative illness/wellness can be an indication of how safe, grounded and connected you feel in all areas of your life.

have a great workout!



big thanks to see line woman for suggesting this topic!

cradle of civilization

hetep, party people. let's take a moment to talk about our wombs, shall we?

this deceptively simple aspect of our anatomy does many things: aligns us with the phases of the moon, works to ensure hormonal balance, centers and informs creativity, populates the planet...

wait.

let that last one marinate for a breath or two. like an asana.

you populate the planet.

now that you've been reminded of this spectacular role, understand that womb health is a process. like most other things, what works for one sista may not work for you, and that's ok.

it is never too late to love your womb.

it does not matter if your womb is physically present or not.

you can love her if she is infertile. in fact, she could be infertile because you're disconnected.


you do not have to be a mother, nor do you have to desire motherhood. planet population has just as much to do with the birthing and nurturing of art, ideas, words, visions, and concepts as it does babies. all are important, valuable, and necessary.






your moontime does not have to be a painful "curse". in fact, it was never a curse at all. without it, there would be no life. {you.populate.the.planet}

learn which herbs, meditations, stones, sounds, and scents you need. don't fret if your sistagurl's sandalwood & myrrh makes you wanna retch. you might just be more of a lavender and palmarosa kinda chick.

the for the sensual intellectual sidebar includes many resources that can start you on your journey. several of the books deal with women's health, chakra work, and other womb-friendly practices.*

by now, most of our afrikan-centered readers are probably familiar with the wisdom of queen afua. sacred woman is a great way to start or continue on your womb wellness journey, no matter what your starting point.

dr. sunyatta amen is another excellent holistic health practitioner and womb advocate. her bellydancers of color association holds a conference each year.

dr. christiane northrup is author of the classic women's bodies, women's wisdom. she also has a lot to say about menopause, so if you're entering that phase of life or have a beloved crone** who is, you might want to look into her work. there are some who say that having a hysterectomy {spiritually} catapults you into crone status, no matter your age.

suns, if you've wandered in and all this sounds familiar, put your queen on. monthly trouble with her cycle, creative/emotional blockages, a sense of aimlessness...all these could be signs of womb distress.

if this is the first post you've come to, then you probably needed it! let your consciousness drift over the information here, and embrace your path towards a miraculous relationship with your womb! the love and support you need will rush to meet you.


*as stated in our disclaimer, always check with your physician and/or gynecologist before trying any "alternative" methods you may read about here or elsewhere.

**you've probably realized that words like crone, hussy, heathen, witch, slut, jezebel, old woman, harlot, and even bitch are used positively and with reverence at the shack. question the connotations surrounding the language you've been given. search for the knowledge it's meant to conceal from you.

quickie!

free moon module you can post to your blog, myspace page, personal website...wherever! you can even customize the colors.

or, if you prefer, we'moon offers beautiful lunar calendars, date books, etc. makes a great gift for the earth mama on your kwanzaa list.