38 DD

{inspired by India’s exhortations on & exultation of breast leadership....}

for a long time, my breasts frustrated me. 

they seemed long, flattened, and strange compared to others i’d seen. for a black woman--even a light-skinned one--my areolas are practically non-existent. at rest, their color is nearly uniform. aroused, they end in smallish, light brown sugar knobs.     

some time in late adolescence, i was flipping through an old issue of national geographic or watching something about africa and happened to see a whole village of women with breasts that favored mine. darker skin, but the shape matched: long dew-drops with disproportionately small nipples. after that, i started thinking of my breasts as a mark of some lost ancestry. 

many years later, i read a story about how Obatala fell in love with Yemonja practically on sight--but she forced him to wait to see her nude, making him promise not to laugh at her long breasts. it reminded me of how i used to wait for my lovers’ laughter, considering what cuter, less womanly wonders they'd palmed. 

Obatala broke his promise, but  my lovers never acknowledged my unspoken one. 

they lingered over my petite nipples, marveling at their responsiveness, sometimes choosing favorites. 

if i straddled them, the girls fell into their mouths like warm, ripe fruit. they readily filled or overflowed grasping hands. made gracious pillows and headrests. they are often reached for in plain view by boyfriends, clothes and bras be damned. 

eventually i even learned to appreciate the watery, tender fullness that could show up just before my cycle. i figured out how to gauge and control their movement when i decided not to wear a bra, and allow them their freedom when possible. 

despite my mother’s concern that they would sag or droop due to my early lingerie choices and natural weight, they never have. what had always deflated or misshapen them were my insecurities and inattention. 

today, they are massaged daily with shea butter, coconut oil, or some blend of the two. my cleavage is my favorite place to anoint with perfume. 

they’re more beautiful than they’ve ever been... because i love them just as they are. 

the black love crisis (9)

super hussy to the rescue!

glad she chimed in, 'cause that was a necessary voice.

SHEism: the woman worship way

about a month ago, the illustrious christa bell shared the 40 day orgasm challenge.

we've cut/pasted the document below for those of you who don't have access to facebook. enjoy!

Ecstasy, insight, healing: 40 Days & 40 Nights is a six-week meditative journey into the heart of pussy and the transformative power of your orgasm.

If the conditions for a revolution do not exist, then it is the job of the revolutionary to create them.
-Unknown

Women, erotically empowered, are dangerous.
-Audre Lorde, The Uses of The Erotic: The Erotic as Power


Forty Days & Forty Nights, the initiation into SHEism: The Woman Worship Way, is an exercise, for women, in extreme pleasure and it requires a commitment to having at least one orgasm, every day, for 40 days.

WEEK ONE

An essential component of SHEism, is the cultivation of a tangible, body-centered point of self-reference. We employ the orgasm as this reference point, and after a time of ecstatic daily practice, begin to use it as the barometer against which we measure everything else in our lives. This internal point of self-induced ecstasy is used to determine the level of pure joy and bliss in any relationship, situation or experience. SHEism teaches that the closer a thing feels to your orgasm, the more right for you it is. Your orgasm becomes your joyometer, and as, with attention and cultivation, your orgasm expands and strengthens, so too, will your ability to wield your joy as a tool of practical earthly enlightenment.


How To Use Your Joyometer
The power of your joyometer is rooted in your bodily senses. Your joyometer is a phenomenon of the physical and feeling present. The ideologies of detachment from and transcendence of the physical body run absolutely counter to the use of this internal tool.
In order to become fluent in the use of your joyometer, you must also become fluent in the language of feelings, both physical and emotional. Your commitment to daily, meditative orgasms will help you to orient yourself, in your body, by the light of your ecstasy. You must then remain on the alert to identify both the physical and emotional feeling, or group of feelings, that constitute the opposite of your orgasm. This will make it easy for you to develop a scale of internal reference. My own internal scale lists an emotional range that flows from tragic to magic, with tragic being the antithesis of the rapturous state, and magic representing a complete alignment with my internal experience of bliss.

An example of how to use your joyometer is to ask yourself questions like: How does my relationship compare to my orgasm? How in tune with my orgasm is my job? How does this thing I want to purchase rate on my personal orgasmic scale? By asking questions like this, you will gradually begin to fine-tune your sense of what makes you truly happy. You will be less likely to succumb to outside influences regarding the choices you make for your life. It will be harder for anyone to sell you anything that doesn't sit well with your internal sense of ecstasy.

“Problematic” Orgasms
What if your orgasm doesn't fit into the “pure-bliss and fireworks” category? What if your orgasm is accompanied by feelings of guilt, disgust or shame? What if you are only able to orgasm to the tune of rape or incest fantasies? What if visions of being brutalized, spied on, beaten or betrayed are what turn you one? If any of these scenarios are the case for you, then here, within these pages, is right where you should be.

These emotionally, politically and spiritually complex ways of orgasim, are all common experiences that have, for a variety of reasons, embedded themselves into our understanding and experience of ecstasy. Your responsibility on this journey, is to simply BE with whatever occurs for you during your encounters with your orgasm, even when the feelings and sensations that come up feel shameful, uncomfortable or downright degrading.

For example, if you typically orgasm to the fantasy of being seduced by your father, allow yourself to be conscious of all the feelings that come up around this scenario. Stay away from orgasm-by-rote or, the unconscious and mechanical habit of detached orgasm.
Instead, connect with the excitement, pain, confusion or shame that may be a part of this experience. Connecting and feeling your feelings, even one’s you may judge, is an essential part of being.

What Being Also Looks Like
Being is the act of focusing and holding your attention in every part of your body at once and, in this state, recognizing and feeling your natural connection to your essential Self, the earth, and her inhabitants. It is complete physical and emotional presence and union, and it takes practice. Whole body being takes a persistent and conscious commitment to addressing the fragmentation that is the natural state of women in patriarchal culture. In “Pure Lust: Elemental Feminist Philosophy,” feminist theologian and philosopher Mary Daly described this state of fragmentation:

Within the virulent state of phallocracy, women have been attacked and divided against our Selves. From the earliest times of the patriarchy, countless mothers have been broken, and the resulting broken daughters have carried on the chain of fragmentation. No longer have the broken daughters been able to listen unhindered to the “mysterious” telic centering principle within and become fully Self-actualizing women. Instead, they have been reduced to responding to the fettered/fathered urge to reproduce their altered-that is, patriarchally identified-selves in an endless circle of Self-destruction…

She goes on to say:

Yet the sources of wholeness are within women… (though) overcoming…the programmed separation of all living creatures from the telic centering principle of being, will involve facing the horror of (patriarchy’s) workings and effects.

Being Begins With Breath
For once we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and from our life-pursuits that they fall in accordance with the joy which we know ourselves to be capable of. Our erotic knowledge empowers us, becomes a lens through which we scrutinize all aspects of our existence…
-Audre Lorde, The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power

One of several techniques we will use on this journey of healing the fragmentation of the feminine self, is cultivating the ability to still the mind so that we might listen to and honor the experience of the body. Most of us spend our days using our bodies, to walk, eat, read, exercise, gossip, pray, work and have sex, without ever actually checking in to listen to her wisdom or see if there’s anything special that she needs. The female body houses the greatest untapped resource of wisdom, information and intuition, but we generally keep ourselves too busy to listen to her until we have some kind of a breakdown.

In the exercise that follow, you will be given instructions for how to harness the full power of your body and her intelligence in the service of your ecstasy, healing and evolution.

As you move through the work of 40 Days & 40 nights, please keep in mind the first principle of SHEism: The Woman Worship Way, which is: everything and every way you are is holy and all the ways you come are part of your sacred earthly journey.

40 Days & 40 nights is a vehicle to examine, heighten awareness of and transform your relationship to your coochie, your orgasm and your most powerful and creative self.

If you’d like to come on this journey (pun intended) you will need a hand mirror, a blank notebook, something to write and draw with, a vibrator and whatever else you need in order to have an orgasm (a quiet room, massage oils, music etc.) You will also need to think of the time you spend coaxing delicious orgasms from your body as a meditation. To that end, it's a good idea to set a consistent time that is long enough and private enough for you to relax into your bliss.

This week:
1. Give yourself an orgasm every day for the next seven days. This is an exercise that you will do alone. Prioritize and be persistent with this goal, commit to having your daily orgasm by any means necessary. Rearrange your schedule, cancel an appointment, pick the kids up late, hire a babysitter, rent a hotel room, take an extra long lunch break, lock the door to your bathroom. Do whatever you need to do, to fit in your daily orgasm.

2. Meditate on your breath for 10 minutes first thing in the morning, and right before you go to bed. The best way to do this exercise is to sit upright in a comfortable chair, with the soles of your feet on the floor, your back straight and supported, and your hands resting loosely on your thighs. If it is more comfortable for you to sit on the floor cross-legged, this is ok too. Close your eyes and bring all of your attention to your nose and the breath flowing in and out of your nostrils. As you settle into this exercise, be aware of when your mind begins to be agitated, starts daydreaming or generally starts to squirm as you focus on your breath. Gently and persistently bring your mind back to your breath every time your attention wanders. Sit for ten minutes.

3. Essentialized Orgasm: Write the autobiography of your orgasm in 24 words, no more and no less. Try to include everything that has ever happened to your orgasm, from her conception to the present.

4. When you have completed writing the autobiography of your orgasm in 24 words, below it, write the autobiography of your orgasm in 12 words. Feel free to use some or all of the same words from your 24-word autobiography, but you may also use completely different words. Perhaps there is something you forgot to say your first time around, or there’s a point that needs more attention. Go ahead and use these next 12 words to either repeat, expand or bring clarity to your orgasm’s life!

5. Beneath the 12 words, now write the autobiography of your orgasm in six words. Same instructions as above.
6. Beneath the six words, write the autobiography of your orgasm in three words.

7. Beneath the three-word autobiography, please tell the entire life story of your orgasm in one word! All the joy, all the sorrow, the ups and the downs. If you had to tell her whole story in only one word, what would that word be?

8. Now, go back to the top of the page and write, as your title, “In The Beginning: _________.” Fill in the blank with your one-word autobiography. Congratulations! You’ve just written your first SHEist scripture!

9. Read your scripture aloud to one, supportive witness who is kind and whom you trust. Try not to give too much explanation around the exercise. Notice the feelings that come up for you as you share this intimate experience.

10. Every day this week, with the help of your hand mirror, draw a picture of your coochie. Use this time to bring awareness to how you feel about your coochie from moment to moment. Notice when your attention drifts or when you become bored. Notice the feelings of discovery, revulsion or delight you may experience.

If you’ve never had an orgasm, or don’t know how to generate one on your own, read on, the next post is for you!

Copyright Christa Bell 2010

quickie!

interesting article on sex surrogates, detailing how they can work with psychotherapists, psychologists and other counselors to help and heal sexual issues.

we also enjoyed the nod to the international professional surrogates association, which we'll add to the "serious side" sidebar.

thanks to sexis magazine for the tweet that led to this post!

quickie!

camara has this lovely blog called sistah goddess where she chronicled a 40 day period of personal renewal at the dawn of 2010.  here's her beginning, and here's the summary of her journey.

a quick skim revealed beautiful pictures and some delicious revelations, so we figured we'd share the joy!

::~:: love, bliss, & inspiration ::~::

the word

drawing, once again, from bell hooks' sisters of the yam:

black women are often more passionate in our rage and suffering than we are in our loving.  the energy that we bring to situations that arouse hostility or pain can easily be redirected. we can tell ourselves daily to direct our most intense feeling to those areas of our lives that bring pleasure and delight.  to achieve this end we need to write ourselves many recipes for tuning into healing erotic power and put them in a box so that when we see our energies going toward anger or suffering we can take a recipe from the box and follow it.

the word

bell hooks' sisters of the yam should be part of our personal scriptures. today's word is among the reasons why:

clearly, if black women want to be about the business of collective self-healing, we have to be about the business of inventing all manner of images and representations that show us the way we want to be and are. within white-supremacist patriarchal society, it is very difficult to find life affirming images of black femaleness.

...i was shocked by how difficult it is to find representations of us where our features were not crudely distorted or exaggerated. i was dismayed by how many paintings showed us without eyes, or noses, or mouths. and i began to wonder if these body parts are "forgotten" because they takes [sic] us into the realm of the senses. the problem that i encountered was not a dearth of imagery, but a lack of appealing imagery. [emphasis added]

quickie!

makeda voletta talks about the power of the menstrual cycle on the powerful women only show.

switch it up

let's chat a bit about the infamous switch, shall we?

...hold on, now.  for those of you about to run out of the post screaming, we're not gettin' into grandma goin out to the backyard or any s&m type stuff.*

we're talking about movement.



how many of you grew up being admonished for switchin', sashayin', puttin' your hands on your imagination, et cetera?

for those who took that advice to heart, how many of you have experienced lower back, knee, or hip pain as adults?

what some of our mamas and grandmamas didn't know is that the muscles that rotate your hips also influence the alignment of the muscles in the rest of your leg. furthermore, tight hamstrings can pull on your pelvic muscles, causing lower back issues.  any good massage therapist knows that if a client comes in complaining about lower back issues, it's a good idea to check out their legs and hips first.

still wanna stop switchin'?

traditionally, african women have wide hips and large backsides.  when we walk, we sway.  our indigenous dances incorporate all kinds of hip, glute, and core muscle isolations.

put another way: we naturally shake our asses.





when we don't allow fluidity in our movement, we lock up our energy, we lock up our unique beauty, and we lock up our spirits. consider the persistence of cervical and breast cancers, heart disease, fibroids, and chronic pain in our communities, and what parts of the body these dis-eases are targeting.

so, as you consider your own healing journey, don't forget to put that wiggle back in your step. your knees, back, and spirit will thank you.**





*not that there's anything wrong with s&m.  we're kink-friendly.  but you'll have to work out the grandma issues on your own.  unfortunately, she and her strong whuppin hand are beyond the scope of this blog...

**and if your mama bought you a hula hoop instead of fussing, more power.

the last frontier

sista toldja talks about one of the most prevalent stigmas surrounding sistas and sex.

the word

today's word comes from the ethical slut: a practical guide to polyamory, open relationships & other adventures by dossie easton and janet w. hardy.

We dream of a world where no one is driven by desires they have no hope of fulfilling, where no one suffers from shame for their desires, or embarrassment about their dreams, where no one is starving from lack of sex. We dream of a world where no one is limited by rules that dictate that they must be less of a person, and less of a sexual person, than they have the capacity to be.

We dream of a world where nobody gets to vote on your life choices, or who you choose to love, or how you choose to express that love, except yourself and your lovers. We dream of a time and a place where we will all be free to publicly declare our love, for whoever we love, however we love them.

And may we all look forward to a lifetime of dreams come true.

and let the ch'uch say...

yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

you must read this!

the word

today's word is another jewel from the holy book by the illustrious dr. clarissa pinkola estes, women who run with the wolves.

and so we read...

Tears are a river that takes you somewhere. Weeping creates a river around the boat that carries your soul-life. Tears lifet your boat off the rocks, off dry ground, carrying it downriver to someplace new, someplace better.

the word

today's word is from thich nhat hanh, vietnamese buddhist monk and author. this passage is an excerpt from the "meditation on love" in the book peace is every step.

The source of love is deep in us, and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, or one thought can reduce another person's suffering and bring him joy. One word can give comfort and confidence, destroy doubt, help someone avoid a mistake, reconcile a conflict, or open the door to liberation. One action can save a person's life or help him take advantage of a rare opportunity. One thought can do the same, because thoughts always lead to words and actions. If love is in our heart, every thought, word and deed can bring about a miracle. Because understanding is the very foundation of love, words and actions that emerge from our love are always helpful.

full disclosure

beloveds,

sometimes you forget your bliss.

there can be many reasons for this.

life can, very simply, get in the way: family emergencies, the needs of babies, stress at work or school...

there are situations where we give a little too much, work a little too hard. it's entirely possible to forget to hold on to our gooey, sticky sweet center. and that neglect can even be necessary to get us through a particular challenge.

your proprietress, obviously, is above none of this. so this is a message for us all:

forgive yourself.

if you find yourself unhappy, under-loved, overworked, exhausted, it's ok.

forgive yourself.

if you've been letting someone else have the big piece of chicken* (or tofu), painting your house other people's colors, forsaking your naked full moon dance, it's fine.

forgive yourself.

all is in divine order, and there's beauty in the breakdown.

as soon as you've realized you've given and/or done too much, you can always stop, relocate your center, and change.

don't berate yourself; the why's and what for's will become clear soon enough. it is enough to know when it's time to pack your things and walk away.

in solidarity, with love,

~:~ ms. bliss ~:~


*copyright, ms. oyin

bring back the bitch

last night your loving proprietress watched bandit queen.

in some parts of the world, little has changed in the 20 years since phoolan became a folk hero to some and a demon to others.

how many phoolans are being born daily through their trauma?

how many exist now whose stories are going untold?

where are the 21st century revolutionary bitch goddesses?

the power of feminine rage has been largely forgotten. it is no longer an archetype that is respected, acknowledged and widely worshiped. it has been made ridiculous and funny on one hand and spiritualized beyond any real world application on the other. the love goddess--while sometimes still branded as a slut or whore--is far more acceptable and accepted than the bitch.

but can we deny the need for the destroying mother? violence against women is still too prevalent. rape, mutilation, sexual/emotional/spiritual abuse...

where is her place?

certainly it cannot only be in bdsm dungeons {in the west, sexualization = disempowerment} and mental institutions {defanged, satirized}.

balance is essential, and the full range of womanhood includes the bitch. period.

we are not speaking of the indiscriminately aggravating, tacky shrew.

we are calling for the passionate, fiery, bullshit illusion destroying bitch.

the castrator of cruel and imbalanced manhood.

the remover of stagnant, useless energy.

the harsh mother who demands respect, excellence and growth from her beloved children.

we need that bitch.


thanks & praise to oshun, kali, oya, the iyaami, ezili dantor, durga, yemonja and the other spiritual protectors and intercessors--named and unnamed--for wronged, abused, and otherwise enraged women. ase.

the word

today's scripture, "wise woman", comes to us from walking towards wisdom, by way of an artist named ruth.

and so we read:

I am One Who has mastered mystery. I am One Who has no fear. I am One Who sees the truth, and waits. I am One Who has complete understanding. I am One Who begins from a point of total acceptance. I am One Who offers only what is needed. I am One Who feels no sense of struggle. I am One Whose aim is true. I am One Who tolerates all things. I am One Who does not hesitate in the face of uncertainty. I am One Whose judgment is sound. I am One Who dwells on the mountaintop.

sexy news

hopefully v-day doesn't get you down, but this might help you overcome valentine's day depression.

and just in case your date turns in to something more, ecuadorian "gravity births" could teach us something.

always grateful for inclusion: sex and disability. bonus link - david steinberg's photos.

apparently love ain't easy in taiwan.

bliss manifestation

what it look like, y'all?

on this morning of the sun's rebirth, we wanted to offer a ritual that could be helpful in ushering in 2009. this touch of hoodoo is a good way to help maintain your bliss, or open your road to it.

bliss is a journey; it takes work to get there and stay there. it is glimpsed in moments--sometimes minutes, seconds and less-than-seconds. this glimpse is no guarantee against bad days, potholes, or stumbling blocks. but once you've held it, you know it, and you look for it in everything around you.

to begin, you will need to know the phases of the moon each month. you can use a virtual moon phase tracker or paper calendar for this. {don't forget to look for post consumer recycled paper!}

also, know that this practice tends to put some serious change in motion, so be sure you're ready for that before you begin.

new moon: write down any obstacles you feel are standing in your way. think: outdated ideas, habits, ways of being. this is not about the broad in accounting you can't stand. it's about how you might be standing in your own way. if you find it difficult to list obstacles, you may want to use the vow break* as a template.

after you've listed your obstacles, get rid of them. you can burn them, bury them, rip them up and flush them down the toilet...whatever feels permanent and releasing to you.

full moon: give thanks. that's it. express gratitude for the lifting of your obstacles--even if you feel it hasn't happened yet. be thankful the bunion on your pinky toe didn't drive you nuts when you broke in those new pumps. say a prayer of thanksgiving you already use. be grateful for the random compliment from that stranger. nothing is too large or small, as long as you're truly thankful for it.**

that's it!

if you have a sister circle or similar group, you may find it helpful to do this together to keep each other on task each month.

...oh, and give it time. this is akin to birthing, so mind the gestation period.

happy bliss crafting!


*the vow breaker is a VERY powerful mantra. be very specific and remain clear around what you're attempting to rid yourself of.

**note that some traditions reverse the cycle, purging at the full moon and giving thanks/renewing with the new.