My brothers let me tell you, it is this easy, when SHE asks for tea, give the Black Woman in your life Tea, do not give HER terrible innuendo intended to bed HER. This will come about with gentleness, if I sent you to pick flowers for a woman I would not give you a bulldozer to do it. My expectation would be that you would approach the flower fields wet from the dew with kindness in your heart.
I don't know about you, but there are many times when I tend to put other people ahead of myself.
In the past I've done this to my own detriment and then I've been angry when there is not love, attention, energy or money left for me. Then, after I'm angry, I started to blame the other person for doing something "to me".
This way of thinking comes from an older and out-dated version of myself. Today, I make sure that my needs are met. I make sure I am putting my health, my wealth and my best interests first so that I can have a proper foundation. It's only after having a proper foundation and reserve of love, money and health that I can begin to give these things away to others.
Paradoxically, however, part of filling myself up with love is being of service to others. Everything I do and create is done so because I believe in inspiration. I believe that everyone should live their own version of an inspired life and not be held hostage by their fears. I believe that love conquers hate and that every person in their heart of hearts wants to love and be loved. So I created my own expression to relate what I believe to the world.
And the world gave back. In this giving back, I am filled up with even more to give away.
So, at the same time, what I've found is that I must give to myself, so I have more to give away. And the best way to give to myself is to be of service and value to other people.
This is the true nature of loving yourself. Knowing that your needs must be met and, at the same time, knowing that being of service is one of the fastest ways to fill yourself up. There is no 100% correct black and white answer. Every person must find the balance of healthy selfishness with healthy service. Once this balance is found an EXTRAORDINARY life will follow.
How can you show up more for yourself today?
How can you show up more for others?
[emphasis added]
Basically, there is a fundamental disagreement between those who want to end sex work and those who want to make sex work safer for women. The fundamental disagreement is whether or not women have the right to engage in sex work. Most people in the anti-trafficking camp believe that there is no way that women can ever engage in sex work without being fundamentally exploited. I disagree with that, as do most sex workers’ organizations. Most of them point out that sex work can be made safer, can be made more dignified – and the way to do that is to stop demonizing those who are engaged in it. Along with decriminalizing sex work, we can support union organizing within the sex industry. [...] We need to understand sex work as one of the options available to women in a capitalist economy. We need to work, and sex work is a viable option for many women.
Ultimately, if we want to end the exploitation of women, we need to challenge capitalism, which is the basis for all of our exploitation.
First, a meaningful way to struggle for justice is to actually work with sex workers. Take their lead, just like you would with any other ally-based movement. Second, we have to address people’s great unwillingness to talk about sex and sexuality more generally. Without these conversations people will have a difficult time coming to terms with real trafficking and real exploitation.
We need to have frank discussions about sex work, and about sex and sexuality more generally. These topics are particularly taboo in Indigenous communities. This is because colonization is such a real presence for us. And if you’re going to take away a people’s most powerful abilities, you’re also going to take away their sexuality, which is why I think we have members of our own communities who conflate “trafficking” with sex work and assume it is all “bad for women.” We’re in survival mode and trying to keep our communities together, trying to keep our communities free of violence, and ain’t nobody helpin’ us!
...why is it that while Black women have used these new media outlets as the opportunity to be self-reflective and discuss Black female issues, while our brothers seem more willing to write over and over again about what’s wrong with Black women or tell us how we can be good enough for them? I’m certainly not discounting the necessity of guy advice for women on dating men; girlfriends often give the worst “wisdom” to other women about what men want or need. But why does it seem that most online writings about the challenges facing Black love seem to have to do with what Black women are doing wrong? And while sisters are pushing back at Nightline, why aren’t we asking a little more from the brothers we interact with on a regular basis? Why aren’t we asking Black men to confront their demons, their issues and the things they have done that have contributed to the decline in Black love. [hyperlink added]
And let's examine the high-achieving black woman marriage 'crisis,' the narrative that chafes me the most. This narrative harps on the fact that some professional black women have trouble finding partners, which puts a willfully negative spin on what could actually be a positive story. We're talking about high-achieving black women with academic and professional success, who also happen to be single and child-free. We could be wondering what's right with these women that allowed them to find success in a society where the odds are stacked against them. What can we learn from black girls, for instance, that can help us raise black boys to equal rates of education and success? Instead, we devote ink and film to discovering what's wrong with these women that they don't have an Mrs. to go with their PhDs.would love to hear what y'all think, beloveds. see y'all in the comments section!
The Talk: Women of Color On Sex is an exploration of how self-identified women across the Diaspora came to learn about sex and what it meant to have a sexual relationship. Did your mom, aunty or tia sit you down? Were your homegirls or hermanas responsible for giving you the blow by blow? Was Cinemax After Dark, Youtube or a telenovela your sex ed instructor?
Super Hussy Media seeks fresh and daring writers who can coax the reader into an intimate understanding of not only how they learned about sex, but how that knowledge impacted their sexual exploration. We want submissions that are funny, sad, enraging, and transformational.
The Talk is ultimately about our testimonies regarding how we were taught or chose to learn about our sexuality. How we are continuing to learn, lessons we wish we could share with other women of Color, introspective activities of reflection. This is all about us.
