brothas: this one's for you

rev. majadi baruti's show sons of the goddess, featuring brother sehu of the goddess herstory collective.

listen & learn!

the black love crisis (2)

dr. cooper's huffington post article is about the best article we've seen thus far on the "single black woman crisis". why? for this:

At the same time, those Black women who make a concerted effort not to male bash, ever-attendant to the social plight of black men, begin the harsh internal dialogue about dealing with our daddy issues, confronting our self-esteem problems, conquering debt, accepting the fact that our stock might be lower because we have children, making sure we have the qualities of good submissive Biblical helpmeets. And the list goes on.

Rarely have I heard anyone say to Black men that they need to deal with their daddy issues, which they most assuredly have if the statistics on absentee fatherhood are even nominally true, or that they should confront their self-esteem problems, which plays out for them often through a range of unproductive, casual relationships. In both scenarios, Black women erroneously accept personal responsibility for what is ultimately a social problem, generations in the making.

she continues:

Third, let's seriously rethink our investments in a patriarchal gender role system that harms black families in multiple ways. Patriarchy makes women feel guilty for prioritizing careers alongside parenting and men feel less masculine for taking an active role in the home. It makes men feel insecure when women earn more money and causes women to overlook brothers who are good providers, perhaps not financially, but emotionally and parentally.

Patriarchy causes men to devalue the importance of being an emotional partner and companion, which is often what women who are financially and professionally secure desire in relationships.

which is a much better way of stating what we were getting at here. bravo, dr. cooper!

lola adesioye also chimed in, mirroring our own annoyance with the recent media blitz:

I am somewhat perturbed by the slew of stories on this topic. They are negative, unhelpful and only serve to perpetuate negative ideas about black men and women which often become self-fulfilling.

granted, there is some unexamined class stuff floating around here, driving home the paradoxical position of class in the black community.  both a dividing line and a life-jacket, class often separates us from one another while ensuring survival for others.

still, it's good to see folks challenging the growing image of the pitiful black professional woman.  keep at it, ladies!

call for submissions!

the illustrious folks at super hussy media are accepting submissions for a new project.

read on!

The Talk: Women of Color On Sex is an exploration of how self-identified women across the Diaspora came to learn about sex and what it meant to have a sexual relationship. Did your mom, aunty or tia sit you down? Were your homegirls or hermanas responsible for giving you the blow by blow? Was Cinemax After Dark, Youtube or a telenovela your sex ed instructor?

Super Hussy Media seeks fresh and daring writers who can coax the reader into an intimate understanding of not only how they learned about sex, but how that knowledge impacted their sexual exploration. We want submissions that are funny, sad, enraging, and transformational.

The Talk is ultimately about our testimonies regarding how we were taught or chose to learn about our sexuality. How we are continuing to learn, lessons we wish we could share with other women of Color, introspective activities of reflection. This is all about us.

deadline is 7.1.2010. the rest of the information you need is here.

hop to it!

in the waiting room...

yahzarah (purple st. james)
"four alarm fire"

sorry, lyrics not available

in aint strength

a poem you should read.

the black love crisis*

we came across this gem on single black male via twitter**.

first, we'd like to applaud "veronica" and "bahama" for their comments. right on for illustrating the possibilities of a partnership model!

but the main question the blog raises is this: with all the things black folks have to work through in their intimate relationships - from within and without - is operating within these rigid gender roles really the ultimate way to repair our hearts and homes, particularly when those roles are not necessarily reflective of our original culture, values and history?

in this 21st century world where women are {blessedly} able to educate themselves to their heart's delight and pursue their ambitions while single or partnered, is it a bad thing that we need more in a partner/mate than the ability to bring home the bacon and "wear the pants"?  why aren't men doing more questioning around who they were taught to be? 

furthermore, when entering what we hope is meant to be an egalitarian, intimate relationship between two consenting adults, why are we ever concerned with who's leading who instead of discerning who has the necessary skills, gifts and life experience in a particular area, and working out their lives around that?

in case you missed the memo, sexism hurts us all.

when we subscribe to these sorts of rules, standards, and assumptions without question - and, even accounting for humor, the level of assumption here is simply astounding - followed by disdain for those who question that acceptance, we turn women into barefoot, pregnant portraits of intellectual and emotional frustration destined to couple with  preening, self-important peacocks of men convinced they have the right to the big piece of chicken {we kid} and to rule with an iron fist {not so funny}.

wouldn't it be a joy to couple with a focus on aligning minds, hearts and destinies? what would happen if we were allowed to be our whole selves, regardless of gender?

why not a world with nurturing, intellectually brilliant working mothers who will raise equally brilliant babies?  and there's certainly nothing wrong with a man who can routinely cook, clean, change a diaper and still put a righteous cap in someone's ass for stepping to his fam.

now, we are not denying that men and women are different. however, we do question the way these differences have been upheld and reinforced in societal contexts to the detriment of women and children, the unearned privilege inherent in maleness and masculine identification, and the artificial imposition of these {largely western european} norms on people of african descent.

beloveds: do what works for you. know what you need. learn to be the best partner you can be.  how much of a "woman" or "man" you are in the eyes of a culture with a dysfunctional lens in such matters should be the least of your worries.

if we can let the arbitrary notions go, maybe we'll all get a little closer to the love we deserve and make the world a little better in the process.


*considering all the recent lamentations around the state of black womanhood and the dismal prospects for {a particular definition of} black love in general, this may will become a series. every friday, we'll be posting "alternative" viewpoints on black love.  follow us on twitter to get the latest & greatest.

**this is not a blog we frequent, so this commentary isn't meant to be a damning indictment of all their content.  e.g., a quick search yielded this, so obviously the brothas have a sense of humor about themselves, too {questionable criteria for the "simp" and the "effeminate" notwithstanding...}.

the insanity of rape culture

although we mentioned it very briefly, we didn't want this gem to get lost in the shuffle.

the insanity report practically drips testosterone on a normal day {not that there's anything wrong with that}, but this analysis of jason whitlock's dangerously inept defense of a football player accused of sexual assualt is spot on.

the sugar shack gives props to brothas who get it, especially knowing that sometimes they're the only voices folks like whitlock listen to.

thanks, y'all.

for more on rape culture, see here, here and here