the word

poet shel silverstein understood that the minds of children hold some of the greatest insight to be found among us.  in honor of that understanding, today's word is his poem, "listen to the mustn'ts".

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child.
Listen to the DON'TS
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.

write your bliss

november is national novel writing month!

and if you have any trouble, there's always write or die...

get busy, beauties!

quickie!

beyond marriage.org.  because it's time to shift the paradigm.

{thanks to nueva_voz for the link}

the word

today's word comes from saul williams' ...said the shotgun to the head.  an excerpt from the 4th chapter...

your dead ancestors
re-die
in air tight vaults

they conspire
to seduce your children

you have done nothing
to protect them
from the evil eye

i serve
a living God

she is a distorted horn solo
fingered by the hand
of a master

time's signature
has done no more
than punctuate
her curvature

giving up...is hard to do...

over the weekend, a friend told your author that he was "giving up" on black women. 

you've heard the reasons why--too many issues, too much pain.

the most interesting part of the conversation was when he referenced a conversation with a white woman.  apparently, she assumed he already only dated white women because, in her view, it would be difficult for him to find a black woman who shared his interests, tastes in music, aesthetic, etc.  

which got the wheels turning.  where do all the "different" black women go to find love?

in the hierarchy of difference, men of all races are hailed as trailblazers and mavericks when they flout convention and do their own thing. brothas can certainly be chastised for doing things outside of "real man" parameters or for not being "black enough", but that probably won't deplete their dating pool, only shift the demographic.

right underneath men on the dare-to-be-different scale are white women.  yes, there are the effects of sexism and the pressure of embodying (or not) the epitome of beauty in a culture founded on the notion of white supremacy.  white women are indeed asked to fit into many boxes.

but, because of their whiteness, they are also allowed to break free from--or are not as heavily penalized for ignoring--those boxes in a way that colored women have to seriously think about.  again, being seen as different, weird, or a glowstick carrier does not impact a white woman's dating choices.  just shifts the demographic.

and then we have the quirky black ladies: uniquely minded black women who, typically, do not have asian and white men knocking down their doors, nor do we go looking for them. 

all too often, open minded sistas can become exhibits, fascinations; lofty empresses solely responsible for the evolution (or failure) of their kingmen.  in other words, this is the realm where having locs and enjoying bacon is not allowed.

does the goddess-loving black woman have a fully present, reflective partner who shares her interests and dreams?  does the long-loc'ed empress have a mate who doesn't hide his affections behind some palatable, pretty form of patriarchy?  are there men she doesn't need to minister to, but who can fall in step and meet her where she is?

...and if she does, has he already "given up" on finding her?

does any of it even matter?

intimacy vs. commitment

couldn't get this to sound sweet enough to post it here, so, if you like, hop on over to the personal space for some thoughts on what happens when commitment shows up without intimacy.

in the waiting room...

alicia myers / one way
"if you play your cards right"

something on your mind
i feel it every time i'm with you
it's what you like to do, something i like, too
let's get it tight

if you play your cards right
everything will be alright with me
if you play your cards right
everything will be alright with me

you won't have to hide what you feel inside
can't be afraid to talk to me
love is guaranteed
you play them right with me and you will see

if you play your cards right
everything will be alright with me
if you play your cards right
everything will be alright with me

{repeat chorus / ad lib to fade}

the word

today's word comes from the ethical slut: a practical guide to polyamory, open relationships & other adventures by dossie easton and janet w. hardy.

We dream of a world where no one is driven by desires they have no hope of fulfilling, where no one suffers from shame for their desires, or embarrassment about their dreams, where no one is starving from lack of sex. We dream of a world where no one is limited by rules that dictate that they must be less of a person, and less of a sexual person, than they have the capacity to be.

We dream of a world where nobody gets to vote on your life choices, or who you choose to love, or how you choose to express that love, except yourself and your lovers. We dream of a time and a place where we will all be free to publicly declare our love, for whoever we love, however we love them.

And may we all look forward to a lifetime of dreams come true.

and let the ch'uch say...

quickie!

not quite back in the swing, but had to share this with y'all: sensual marriage counseling for kenyan women...

an excellent and empowering way to help keep hubbies at home with their families.

quickie!

if you haven't heard of sara kruzan, you need to.