the black love crisis (6)

m. dot's thoughts on beyonce's relationship to the perpetuation of dysfunctional black relationships.

she takes you on a ride, so quoting outta context wouldn't be sufficient...we suggest heading on over to racialicious to check it out in its entirety.

the black love crisis (5)

the beautiful struggler does a good job of approaching the issue from a media savvy standpoint while noting the fact that only about 43% of black men are married {compared to about 42% of black women} without that being a "crisis" at all.

she also asks the question:

...why is it that while Black women have used these new media outlets as the opportunity to be self-reflective and discuss Black female issues, while our brothers seem more willing to write over and over again about what’s wrong with Black women or tell us how we can be good enough for them? I’m certainly not discounting the necessity of guy advice for women on dating men; girlfriends often give the worst “wisdom” to other women about what men want or need. But why does it seem that most online writings about the challenges facing Black love seem to have to do with what Black women are doing wrong? And while sisters are pushing back at Nightline, why aren’t we asking a little more from the brothers we interact with on a regular basis? Why aren’t we asking Black men to confront their demons, their issues and the things they have done that have contributed to the decline in Black love. [hyperlink added]

good questions, dontcha think?

tamara winfrey harris also deals with the media spin in her piece over at change.org:

And let's examine the high-achieving black woman marriage 'crisis,' the narrative that chafes me the most. This narrative harps on the fact that some professional black women have trouble finding partners, which puts a willfully negative spin on what could actually be a positive story. We're talking about high-achieving black women with academic and professional success, who also happen to be single and child-free. We could be wondering what's right with these women that allowed them to find success in a society where the odds are stacked against them. What can we learn from black girls, for instance, that can help us raise black boys to equal rates of education and success? Instead, we devote ink and film to discovering what's wrong with these women that they don't have an Mrs. to go with their PhDs.

would love to hear what y'all think, beloveds. see y'all in the comments section!

the black love crisis (4)

our dear friend sparkle has also weighed in on the conversation. why we love her take?

nobody that i know of, with the exception of the ladies at crunk feminist collective, has mentioned that queer (by queer i mean lesbians, bisexual, pan/omnisexual, trans, intersex) self-identified black women aren’t considered in this conversation. again: we are not a monolith. you can’t have this conversation without considering the fact that the women being discussed are hetero, cisgender (not trans women — trans ppl are invisible in virtually every conversation about marriage, and just about everything else), & at the very least hold bachelor’s degrees. because ppl who don’t finish college don’t matter in this conversation, no matter what they’re doing w/ themselves, unless it’s to count them as undesirables. further, who’s to say that marriage is everyone’s goal or ideal? it could be argued that “we aren’t talking about those people,” but if that’s the case then it must be stated so from the onset of each conversation regarding unmarried black women of certain income levels and sexual orientations. period. know your audience.

...and that's just the third paragraph.

read on, beloveds!.

friends with benefits

thoughts? stories?

could spark some blissful journaling, hmm?

the black love crisis (3)

YAAAAASSSSSSS!!

whew...sorry, y'all. had to let that out.

the crunk feminist collective broke that fully down!  thanks, y'all!

quickie!

interesting article on sex surrogates, detailing how they can work with psychotherapists, psychologists and other counselors to help and heal sexual issues.

we also enjoyed the nod to the international professional surrogates association, which we'll add to the "serious side" sidebar.

thanks to sexis magazine for the tweet that led to this post!

recommended viewing

v-day: until the violence stops

you'll laugh
you'll cry
you'll wanna kick some ass.

and if you haven't seen the vagina monologues, that's another highly recommended piece. criticisms duly noted, it can be a good way to get the conversation started.

brothas: this one's for you

rev. majadi baruti's show sons of the goddess, featuring brother sehu of the goddess herstory collective.

listen & learn!

the black love crisis (2)

dr. cooper's huffington post article is about the best article we've seen thus far on the "single black woman crisis". why? for this:

At the same time, those Black women who make a concerted effort not to male bash, ever-attendant to the social plight of black men, begin the harsh internal dialogue about dealing with our daddy issues, confronting our self-esteem problems, conquering debt, accepting the fact that our stock might be lower because we have children, making sure we have the qualities of good submissive Biblical helpmeets. And the list goes on.

Rarely have I heard anyone say to Black men that they need to deal with their daddy issues, which they most assuredly have if the statistics on absentee fatherhood are even nominally true, or that they should confront their self-esteem problems, which plays out for them often through a range of unproductive, casual relationships. In both scenarios, Black women erroneously accept personal responsibility for what is ultimately a social problem, generations in the making.

she continues:

Third, let's seriously rethink our investments in a patriarchal gender role system that harms black families in multiple ways. Patriarchy makes women feel guilty for prioritizing careers alongside parenting and men feel less masculine for taking an active role in the home. It makes men feel insecure when women earn more money and causes women to overlook brothers who are good providers, perhaps not financially, but emotionally and parentally.

Patriarchy causes men to devalue the importance of being an emotional partner and companion, which is often what women who are financially and professionally secure desire in relationships.

which is a much better way of stating what we were getting at here. bravo, dr. cooper!

lola adesioye also chimed in, mirroring our own annoyance with the recent media blitz:

I am somewhat perturbed by the slew of stories on this topic. They are negative, unhelpful and only serve to perpetuate negative ideas about black men and women which often become self-fulfilling.

granted, there is some unexamined class stuff floating around here, driving home the paradoxical position of class in the black community.  both a dividing line and a life-jacket, class often separates us from one another while ensuring survival for others.

still, it's good to see folks challenging the growing image of the pitiful black professional woman.  keep at it, ladies!

call for submissions!

the illustrious folks at super hussy media are accepting submissions for a new project.

read on!

The Talk: Women of Color On Sex is an exploration of how self-identified women across the Diaspora came to learn about sex and what it meant to have a sexual relationship. Did your mom, aunty or tia sit you down? Were your homegirls or hermanas responsible for giving you the blow by blow? Was Cinemax After Dark, Youtube or a telenovela your sex ed instructor?

Super Hussy Media seeks fresh and daring writers who can coax the reader into an intimate understanding of not only how they learned about sex, but how that knowledge impacted their sexual exploration. We want submissions that are funny, sad, enraging, and transformational.

The Talk is ultimately about our testimonies regarding how we were taught or chose to learn about our sexuality. How we are continuing to learn, lessons we wish we could share with other women of Color, introspective activities of reflection. This is all about us.

deadline is 7.1.2010. the rest of the information you need is here.

hop to it!